Been going throw a quite mode of late. Which is always hard for my H to deal with. I become sorta withdrawn and quite about once every three months. And this time coupled with the fact I recently started back on anti depressentes and trying to get use to getting up early every day and trying to get back in the swing of working I am tired a lot. There is a good side to that my sleeping disorder does not seem to be as predominant right now. I am down to half of the amount of meds to make myself sleep. Have not been awake at 2 am in about 2 weeks usually out before midnight. Any how.
Not saying I like my job. But I was thinking about the fact that it will be over in two weeks and I think I will miss the interaction with others that it allows. Grant you alot of times it is just brief interaction with customers but I think I will miss even that. I am not really thinking my H likes my working he was okay with it at first. But last weekend I started having to work more hours and he called to make sure I was at work and ask my boss what time I would get off. I had to chuckle about that.
H and I had a small spat about my post regaurding manly men. He was questioning who I was writting to and what I was writting so I read it to him. Well of course that lead him to ask me if I found him to be a manly man. I could have lied and say yes but not wanting to be a hypocrite I told him no. Of course that just flew all over him. I explained a little but his anger was rising and really I was just recanting and repeating what I have said a thousand times in the past so just let it go. He mumbled and grumbled for a while I just let him. Mentally I was ticking off all the recent things he could do to take charge of things that all still need done that would help my respect level for him. But I kept that to myself seeings he was already fuming. I also trying to take note of what IHJ said about positives tried to checkmate all those negative things on the list with positives. It was a great resentment sqealching tool.
We did have one major blowup in the last week or so since I posted. I was really tired one night I mean really tired I went to bed around 10:30 and was asleep in 10 minutes. I had been watching tv with H prior to that and told him I was going to bed because I was just exhausted. Around 2 am H woke me up messing around. I was furious that he was being so rude and inconsiderate to wake me up when I had not only stated but obviously was so tired that I could fall asleep in 10 minutes. The next day H told me if I ever got mad at him like that I would find myself sleeping in another room. I said I doubt it. He said oh yes I would very threatening. He was so full of himself and being so serious. WTF who TF do you think you are and a variety of other thoughts ran through my head But I did a Gel thought them all out then answered him. I just looked at him and said well if you had not been so inconsiderate I would not have reacted the way I did. So in the future you be a little more considerate and there will not be a next time. And left it at that. He argued with himself for the next few minutes as I want about my business but I would not be baitted to respond further. He called the next day from work to apolize for being such a ass. But since that day I have only had sex once with him and that was more get it over sex. Those words and his attitude his total belief he had the right to exile me from my room has just stayed with me. Though I find his behavior and words a little bemusing I also find it a little disconcerning. Not sure why. Had he have said he would sleep in a different room I would have been like what ever with little belief it would ever happen. So why his stating I would be sleeping in another room would not elicit the same reaction is odd unless it was the underlying threat of him physically forcing me to another room which I can actually envision him doing. I don't know it has me a bit baffled at the time.
So the sex thing is a bit behind for the month. Well quite behind. I am only half way through my monthly min. And running out of days to play catch up. So I guess I need to shake what ever ails me and get to it. I have been pretty set on not backsliding on this for the past year and a half but feel blah about it right now. Wondering if my anti depressents has a part in that. I was real hesitant to go back on them and so far the only difference I can see is my maybe not having to desire to meet the min. And this tired feeling I have from about 5 pm on. If this persist into the next month or so I will just go back off of them.
D18's birthday is right around the corner. Not sure what to do for her b-day. Got her Christmas figured out gonna buy her a digital camera. Anybody got any suggestions of what you buy a 19 year old girl who is married yet living at home and shops so much she has everything in every color? I was thinking some lingerie since her H is taking her to Atlanta for her birthday. What do you guys think?
