Actually I have been thinking since my post to Cobra that it is the things about my H that remind me of my step dad. The control the anger the yelling that make me react in the same way I did to my dad after awhile. I shut down towards him. And it seems like I have shut down so often that I have re-opened up less and less to him afterwards. To the point now that it is just my reaction.
I don't really know how to get around this behavior. No more then I understand how I have forgiven everyone else, my real father my grandfather, my exboyfriend,even myself to some degree. But I cannot seem to be humble enough to forgive my step father.
I have thought about the fact in the last few days that if my H's behavior did not remind me of my step dad so much I probably would not find it so abhorent. But gosh what to do with that. ( though the behavior reguardless is not exceptable).
There are little things as I am realizing that is a after effect of the past I can address easily. Like eatting with my family. I plan to change this dynamic and no matter how uncomfortable it becomes to sit at that table and no matter how much it reminds me off my dad I am going to stay there. Though I hope I can do it not out of defiance but find a better reason to do so. Family unity and support would be good reasons.
And no where my mom older sister and grandmother and kids are concerned I am not detached. I may detach from certain aspects of things that relate to them. But my love of them is greater then my need/abilty to detach from things.
