There are some negative aspects of my upbringing that I know have carried over into my adult life. Some of them I have been very aware of for a long time. The biggest is I have always been very rebellious to having a male tell me what to do. I do not deal with male authority well at all. This has shown up in past dealings in work were I have had male bosses. Looking back I see a pattern of my either wooing them with my looks and personality to set them off footing and become favored.(my old Senior VP use to laugh at how I could do this and said that my ditzy blonde ploy was a way to disarm people and come in with the kill as to how smart I actually am and earn respect) Or I go straight for the throat. And tell them straight off that they are not a superior being over me and will not treat me as a lesser being since I am a female. This has made me labeled a man hater more then once in my life. Oddly I have always been well liked and well respected in most of my jobs lol.
My eatting disorder is also another thing that carried over into my adult hood. I still suffered from this daily until 8 years ago. The most I ever have weighed in my life is 136 lbs and I was pregnant.
But oddly last night while I was cooking dinner something about your post and my response made me realize another thing.
When my kids were little I did the family dinners every night everyone sits down at the table and eat. As they have gotten older and little bickers started occurring this dynamic changed. I no longer eat with my family. I eat either before them or after them or not at all at dinner time. On occassion one of them will sit in the kitchen and eat with me (table only big enough for two) But they eat in the dinning room usually. It seems that as soon as the situation started getting discomfortable for me. I did what I do best I disassociated myself and detached from it. I can only wager a guess it was because of my past dinner experiences and trying to avoid it.
And Cobra yes I do know my emotional responses are dysfunctional. Alot of that awareness has come from reading others post on this board. If I take what my doctors told me about my my eatting disorder " The reason I do not feel hunger is because I over rode those feelings so long my receptors in my brain no longer recognize the feeling of hunger as such" and apply it here. Only subsitute the word emotions for hunger. I know this is something I can overcome. But eatting regaurdless if you are hungry is much simplier then feeling when you don't feel.
