What you need, from your posts that I've read, is probably along the following lines:

You need someone to support your curiousity in intellectual, self-improvement pursuits.

You need someone to express your dreams and thoughts to, who will listen without mocking them and who is capable of responding with some of his own.

You need someone to be your partner, in the fullest sense of the word, in life.

I suppose that's the precipace of the pit that you gaze into at times.

It's not a need that can really be met by tasks or chores, or lists of things to do.

MrsNOP -