As said I would I have been giving more thought to what I need from my H. Blackfoot also poised a simular question to me. In my thinking I am hitting a brick wall. In part because I was trying to think of what I need of him instead of need from him. But I think the wall is more based on the word need and how I define it. To me need is something you cannot do with out. Or something you are incapable to do for yourself that requires the help of another. With the very thought of the word need or needing someone I find the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. I have almost felt a resistance in myself to the thought of needing one particular person for anything. Though I know there are physical things I am not capable of doing like topping the trees in my drive way. There is a whole phone book of people to call for that need to be fufilled. It does not fall on the shoulders of my H. There are things that my H is capable of doing and chooses not to for what ever reasons. ie put the Christmas tree in the attic putty and tape the drywall in the bathroom ect. It has always been this way. I wonder if there in lies part of the problem of my even wanting to need anything from my H. I know he is unreliable to fufill most things I have any need of him for so it is easier to not need him to do/provide anything then deal with the disappointment. This goes into a deeper level then physical things there are emotional support and general friendship needs that he has failed to provide in the past also. Basically what I wonder if if since H has not been reliable in the past to fufill these needs. I either just stopped needing these things or stopped being capable of wanting/relying on him to fufill any of them. Make sense?
And BF.
I have been thinking about your response to my not buying anything for myself since H has been providing the main support for our family and the why.
No it is not based on I would owe him sex. As you said I already provide that. And if a extra ML session was all it took man I would be at the stores today(since work was called off due to rain I have the time). It really runs more into my upbringing. My step dad would have a raging fit if my mom purchased things for herself or my older sister or myself with house hold money. I spent my growing up years watching them fight terrible over silly things like she bought a shirt off a clearance rack. It was his money. I got to the point I would rather wear hand me downs or do with out then watch her go through hell all over a shirt that cost $5.00. It taught me to never take from another to rely on myself for things I want or do without. I guess that coupled with the fact my H is so like my step dad makes me feel like there is nothing I want bad enough to risk feeling indebted to or fighting with another/him. Also things are tight for us money wise with me not working. I use to make good money and our mortgage is based on that fact. So what little is left I spend on my kids.
Not all of dealing with my step dad turned into bad things for me though. His selfish mean [censored] behavior was so appauling to me it seems to have made me generous to a fault. I love giving things to people and I will give you the shirt off my back or anything I can and you will never owe me a thing. But a thank you would be appreciated. My older sister also has this personality trait. My younger sister lacks this trait in part. Which I can only be lead to believe was by the difference in which we were treated by my step dad her real dad.
