It sounds to me (and I'm just flying off the seat of my pants here) that you H has never been taught what a loving R is...going off of what you said his parents are like. It's very possible he's modeling what he knows. FYI, this can be changed....my H is changing in this way. But, you have to be VERY clear what you need him to do...and your MC can help you to communicate that in a way to him that won't be misunderstood....and that it won't come across as nagging.
Right now there's a very good chance that everything you are telling him may come off as nagging at him. I tried every possible approach with my H to get him to understand....and later found out that no matter what I said, no matter how I said it...it came across as nagging to him...that is until the lightbulb went off and he finally understood.
If you never had chemistry with him to begin with though that may be tough. That's not to say that if his behavior changes to a more loving one that you won't greatly improve your M and find what you are looking for...that could happen.
It's going to be difficult though, this process takes time, there's going to be LOTS of rough spots....and you will find you will have lots of changes you need to make too, this isn't going to be all up to him. You are going to have moments of clarity where you see things you've been doing too, and behaviors of yours that will need to change. All these things are doable though, so try to take heart in that.
Can you give us an example of a convo where you tried to explain to your H what it is YOU need? That might help us point out to you some ways you could communicate to your H more clearly....we women have a BAD habit of being too vague
