Learning to trust myself III

[heatherg]

I missed you guys this weekend. I dismantled my home computer some time ago and my laptop is having some rebuilding work done, so I was without a computer at home this weekend.

(Jabez) I didn't ignore WAW, I just saw her more as a mom than a wife, lover, woman. I loved her as the mother of our children rather than focusing on her, her thoughts, her ambitions, her feelings.

I can see where this would be an easy transition to fall into, I don't blame H for this. I just wish that he cared enough about me to listen when I told him I needed more. I know everyone makes mistakes with their partners and I'm not one to purposely hold onto hurt. Did your WAW ever specifically tell you what she needed from you and, if so, how did you respond to her? THAT is the key.

(Jabez)I could see how an OM w/o all those other ties to kids, house, etc would focus on her and not be distracted by other things in life.

At the age I'm getting to be, I'm surprised all OM don't already have kids, divorces and other major problems of their own!

(NY) I hope you're feeling better... it's tough being a mom.

I am feeling much better, thank you. I know there are a lot of Moms out there who have it harder than I do. So, I'm ok. Thank you so much for thinking of me!!

(NY) So it's like tears of relief?

I think it's a combination of things, probably relief included. It seems to be sort of letting defenses down as you allow someone to briefly enter your world. It is a connection between two people in my opinion, although it's typcially not as cryptic or as dramatic as that may sound, lol. And connecting with people feels good, particularly for people who aren't happy in their marriages since they tend to not be connecting with their partner. I go through my days without that feeling of having that someone in the world who truly wants the best for me (besides my parents!!). And when I get that feeling from an unexpected source, say a stranger, it can be almost sad. In your case, your WAW may feel that you are an unexpected source because of all she has done to hurt you and here you are, comforting her. It speaks volumes about the person you are.

(NY) Thanks for taking the time to answer me. I don't know, if that's what's happening with my ex, if it constitutes a "good thing" for me or not... I'm actually more sad for her that she's in such a state than what it may portend for me.

Are you kidding?! Anytime! You're right. I'm glad to hear that you are more concerned about her state than about what it means for your future with her. I just meant that it was good for you because you made a connection with her. A good one.

(Mel) I know it's sad, but in my experience, guys that get overwhelmed with fatherhood chores, just disappear into their caves and don't come out til the dust has settled.

Yeah, I would have to agree that that seems to be a common response with many guys. In your case, someday your girls are going to be old enough to see this as well and they will recognize their father in those words. We all reap what we sow....sometimes where it seems there is no justice, one day it appears.

(Mel) I sat and cried silent tears because someone, a complete stranger, cared for me more than H did at that time.

Yep. That's the feeling.