"I think it might be, he refuses to talk about where or how we should be buried.
he has shied away from discussions like this in the past.
He has also told me that he remembers way back to early childhood having thoughts of not wanting to get old.
Getting old seems to be a big deal for him"
You're not sure if H has a fear of death?
I think the 'dead' thing is really linked to H wanting to make sure that our kids have a great childhood and aren't exposed to any realities earlier than they have to be.
Your child mentioned it. Was he acting nervous or afraid when he mentioned death? They do see things die, pets, plants, older relatives. They are cautioned not to run out in traffic. It is part of their experience, though they go through different stages of understanding it. Why preclude your child from understanding it?
You know what's worse, IMO? When a child is young and say a grandparent dies, and the child asks what happened, and the parents tell the child things like, "God wanted another angel in heaven" or "Grandma's gone away". That paints of picture of God striking people dead for his own selfish purposes (besides being theologically incorrect information to teach) or can install a fear of going on vacations.
Anyway, H's fear of it stops him from allowing his children to have a healthy understanding of it; in a way, he's doing to them what was done to him. He's making "death" a taboo subject, and what they'll learn from that is that death is a thing to be feared, hidden, not spoken about... just like he does.
H has never revealed any particular trauma in his childhood... But the fact is, that he was an unhappy child.
If there was trauma, he may have never spoken of it or has it buried so as not to remember it, but he's acting on something.
And you still don't see how you rationalize things?
