Learning to trust myself III

[heatherg]

I got slightly sarcastic in a conversation with H last night. I was trying to tell him a great story about the kids and something very smart that our 5 year old son said to me. Snakes somehow came up in conversation with my kids at the dinner table and S5 says to me "If you get bit by a snake, you're dead right?" I said "Not necessarily, it depends on the kind of snake it is, not all snakes are even poisonous". He said "A water snake is poisonous right?" I said "yes, a water mocassin is poisonous, but a bite doesn't necessarily mean that you are dead, the bites can be treated, and they don't live in saltwater anyway". S5 says "I know, they live in lakes, rivers and streams". ?? I was soo impressed with his knowledge about where the snakes live. It was as though it came from a textbook!
So anyway, I was excited to tell H about this and he stops me after I said the part about S5 saying "dead". H says "We don't say 'dead', but anyway, continue". That just sort of stopped me 'dead' in my tracks. I said, what exactly is your point in saying that? He said "nothing, continue". I said "He's not allowed to use the word dead at all? Don't you think that's a little unrealistic? I mean what about "Mommy, the flowers we got you are dead" or "That bug is dead"......He said "The more we use the word, the more real it becomes". I said "H, I didn't use the word, S5 did, he knows its a word and he knows what it means". He said "You just said it like 5 times in a row". I said "I'm in D2's bedroom, away from the kids". I just sat in silence for a second and he said "Well, we're back to the van, so I need to say goodnight to D2". I said "Ok Matt, as always, it was a pleasure". And I handed the phone to D2.

On the one hand, I can see his point about the more we use the word, the more real it becomes. But is it realistic to never use the word 'dead'? What do you guys think?

I get so defensive, I'm not sure why. I have got to defuse that reaction somehow, it comes as normal to me as drinking water. I would have been much better off just saying "I disagree that 'dead' is a completely off-limits word. Sometimes it has it's place in a sentence as long as the conversation isn't morbid, instating fear or violent". That's how I feel. I took his words as an attack just because he feels differently than I do. He stated his sentence as a fact though "WE don't use that word". Yes, *I* do, if appropriate, thank you very much.