Heather, not knowing your sitch fully or your H...I can relate however to the Alcoholic part...WAS in my sitch is an alcoholic...his social drinking had increased the month prior to his moving out. He met and moved in with OW who IS an Alcoholic...he said it was to escape the pain and hurt that he didn't want to feel but wanted me to feel because he FELT that I had let him down.
9 days ago, I decided to let him know that he had won...I was hurting...we haven't spoken since and right now I am very happy this way...the first few days it was very tough...but when I think back of all the pain and hurt he has instilled upon me the past 3 mos, this is the first peaceful break I have had. He has chosen to make his bed so to speak with OW and the bottle of Jack...as my therapist said, there is nothing that can be done to change the situation until he either sobers up or OW throws him out on the streets. I pursued...and now I have distanced myself like there is NO TOMORROW...he hasn't tried to reach me...maybe he will maybe he won't...but i know from talking with him that he is hurting...and the booze is just his way of dealing with things. DBC said OW isn't EVEN the issue here...just the enabler.
Read up as much as you can on alcoholism...join AlAnon if you like, it wasn't for me...I decided to have one on ones with a therapist that specialized in families of addicts...but have since ended those sessions...in favor of DBC.
My best to you...you're going to need all the strength you can...I've ridden this rollercoaster and it's filled with nothing but hateful babble, anything that they can do to put THEIR pain back on you, blame you for everything that has gone wrong in their lives. There were nights that I swear to God I wasn't going to make it through...but as everyone told me, he has to hit rock bottom on his own before he sees the light. So you become the lighthouse...you don't keep the light on permanently for him by pursuing him...let him wonder what you are doing, what things you are doing in your life...let him contact you...let him step up to the plate. When you CHOOSE to speak with him, be cordial, loving but distant....and read all that you can on detachment with love for alcholism. I have a great article that I have bookmarked if you like I can share it with you!
