So, if I'm the pursuer in my R and I take steps to change my behavior, do you suppose the changes have to be life-long changes? Gosh in that case, it would be like changing my personality, a piece of who I am.... Like you mentioned in your post, when I distance myself, H responds well (as long as the distance is still amicable and very friendly...if I stop making friendly efforts, he just pours himself into the kids and ignores me) and I suppose at that point, I have reverted back to my pursuer behavior. But unless H enjoys being the pursuer, eventually a balance has to be found where it is give and take at the same time. That has been a frustrating aspect of my R with H....that one of us pursues at a time instead of both giving at the same time. On the one hand, you don't want to reinstate the pursuing behavior, but on the other hand, you want to reward the other person's pursuing behavior. How do you manage that, lol?!
I haven't been posting a whole lot, I think probably because H is gone still and when he's gone, my R with him isn't in front of me all the time. So, I can focus on other aspects of my life. My job has suffered a lot in the past year, not in a way that my boss has noticed, but in the way that I know I can give more. My M problems have just consumed me for the last year and everything else has went to the back burner. When H is gone, it allows me to focus on some other issues. Lately, my performance at work has stepped up and I feel a renewed commitment to my work, which feels good.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
