Do you think H sees your R as a parent/child dynamic? Some of the things he does seem like he's giving you "consequences" until your behavior falls in line with what he expects.
Parent/child....I don't know. I think my H realizes that I am pretty competent and if I look back I can see tons of places where I would have preferred to be 'taken care of' and instead he has left important things entirely up to me. That's not something one would do with a child I don't think. Although the consequences for my behavior aspect is pretty glaring, it seems to be really typical for how partners feel when they've been cheated on. I suppose that's because it isn't fair, there is no justice in it. Their worlds are turned upside down in a second and there's nothing they can do about it. The inflated feelings of justice take hold and the betrayed parnters seem to try to bring back some balance as they administer some justice of their own. Just my observations. And when I look at things this way, in the light of what I've observed and read, H's behaviors don't seem so out of the norm, except that he's a little more extreme than most people would go and very stubborn. So to sum all that up, I don't think the parent/child is the primary dynamic between the two of us, although it's a good theory.
I really hope he makes your trip to Annapolis; you guys seem like you're in a place where you could really see some progress with some time alone.
Well, H won't be able to come with me. He flies out Monday for Bremerton. Sigh. We really would have benefited from the time alone.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
