Learning to trust myself III

[heatherg]

Has he given you anything even remotely concrete to let you know what has to happen before he'll "let" you sleep in your bed again?

No. And I've been afraid to directly ask b/c he is so stubborn and me asking him directly would both let him know that I was very bothered by it (and that his punishment is working) and he could also be fueled to continue it just b/c it was brought up in the manner of me requesting to be able to come back in. I don't typically get what I want from him.
I this comes back to the idea that I've never been sorry for what I did and that this is 'just where we are right now'. That was his most recent response. Before he would say things like he didn't need the M, he was foregoing his option to have a mate so that we could stay together for the kids, etc. So at least now he's saying 'this is just where we are *right now*'...indicating that he has hope for the future whereas before he didn't. Wow, there's a stretch for ya, huh??!

If you went to bed before him some night and he came in to find you sleeping in your bed, would he go sleep somewhere else?
I tried this for a while. Like I said, he goes to bed later than me and he stays up watching tv, which is often loud. 'Our' bedroom is farther away from the living room and the TV than the guest room so I would sleep in our bed. When it was time for him to come to bed he would come in and turn on the light and wait for me to leave the room. So, obviously that became way to demeaning and I stopped sleeping in there at all.

I guess it seems to me that after so much time has gone by, he more than owes it to you to at least let you know what he's thinking about the kissing and especially about sleeping in the bed. If it's just that he thinks you're not sorry enough, what does he want to see from you to prove how sorry you are? You shouldn't have to guess and get suggestions. By this point you deserve to know.
So you think I should bring it up for discussion?