Thanks for all the support on my last thread. I was surprised to find that it was locked. The final consensus toward the end of that thread was that I am not ready to leave. Perhaps I am taking refuge in my children as NY indicated, but I don't think I'm hiding from anything or placing a burden on them for my happiness.
So, with that being said, I just need to keep going forward. One of the things I've been battling with and that dampens any effort I make to be loving toward H is best summed up by BB's quote below:

It's been awhile in this thread since emotional abuse has been mentioned. But to ML over the course of a year without allowing kissing is emotional abuse in the highest form as far as I'm concerned. And with no apparent plan for that ever changing?

Do you think I'm going about this the right way? I mean, I've considered refusing sex as long as this is our arrangement. Whenever I've brought the topic up for discussion, I'll ask something like "I don't understand why you are healed enough from my A for us to have sex, but you are not healed enough for me to sleep in my own bed"....and now I can't recall if I've ever directly addressed his refusal to kiss me. It seems like a touchier subject b/c it more directly relates to OM than my bed does. But anyway, his repsonse is something like "We shouldn't be having sex either. But it's something we both like, we do it well."
Admittedly, it is not just him who initiates so it's not like I feel used during the act itself, not at all. And I have chose to keep it up for a couple reasons. First, I thought it would be a good 180. In the past it was easier to just take care of me myself than to bring him into it (even in the past although we slept in the same bed, we never went to bed at the same time, so if I was feeling frisky, I'd have to get up, approach him, etc. It was just easier to take care of myself ). So I thought a 180 would be to let him know how sexual I am, he probably doesn't have a clue. Secondly, he seems emotionally closer to me than he would be if we weren't having sex. I am clearly meeting his needs in this area which seems to have a good impact on our R in general. Third, I get some! If I were to choose to withhold, who knows when I'd be having sex again in my life and I would just be starting some game...I'm not good at maintaining games.

Any suggestions?

"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."

- Nathaniel Hawthorne