I never thought I would post this kind of message.
I have been divorced now for about a year after a hellish 3-year separation including being betrayed by my former wife and a former friend.
I never, repeat, never, during that time felt I could ever be happy again. But I AM.
In the process... I went through depression, rage, suicide attempt, substance abuse, hospitalization and program after program to help me get through all of this.
It finally got better once the healing took place over time.
I still recommend trying to make it work if at all possible. Your marriage that is. But if someone leaves you and will not try at all... when it is done, it is done. Accepting it may take a long time. I never thought I could but I have... and it is wonderful.
Have met someone fabulous and am building toward marriage again in perhaps another year. All of the work I did to look at myself during the divorce is coming back to me in a positive way. Big time.
There is so much to all of this... all I wish to convey is that there is hope for our lives even when we don't think there is.
I hurt so badly then... yet I am so happy now. In a way I never have known before.
It is there for other too. There is hope. It does get better. I finally believe it. I hope you will too.
Thanks for sharing. It is not easy to admit all that you did. I am so happy for you, that you have found happiness. This is the most important part of this for all - happiness. I wish you all the best.
M: 35; Together 14 years - married 5.5 no children Bomb 22-JAN-2005; D a few months later First real relationship post D just ended ( 7 months ):(
I take it by your handle that you went through a WAW? In that we can probably relate.
Am happy to share what I shared as all the pain can now serve a purpose. For someone other than myself.
The old saying... "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger", is so true. Hard to see at the time, but after the fact... I can see how real that is.
A lot of pain we go through in crisis is us letting go of things that were not good for us anyway. I had to give up a lot of attitudes and beliefs that were failing me... and my marriage.
I am better, way better, for it now. I don't mean to sound boastful, but I have no problem finding someone wonderful now. An emotionally health and honest person is in demand out there. I take that with as much humility as possible. I take that to say that what didnt kill me did make me stronger.
There is no reason to believe that this won't be the same for anyone else.
I was just lurking. I noticed you too are from the west coast. Did you say East Van? Me too!!! Anyway I am glad you are doing well after all you have been through.
Yes, she did walk out emotionally, I had to leave the home though ( emotional and financial reasons ).
I am becoming a better person for this. I have learned so much about my past ways that were self defeating. Now, I am changing them - fo me. We grow the most in times of pain.
I have forgiven her, and this has helped me let go of the anger and resentment - it was beginning to consume me. We have started talking to each other again, and it helps us both. Unfortunately she is still not in love with me, and at the moment isn't interested in reconciling. It is a new beginning, no matter what the outcome, for us both. I hope we will be united, but like you, I know that there is a demand for great guys. I just hope the old adage about nice guys finishing last isn't true.
M: 35; Together 14 years - married 5.5 no children Bomb 22-JAN-2005; D a few months later First real relationship post D just ended ( 7 months ):(
My experience of "Nice guys finishing last" is in how Nice is defined. If Nice means people-pleasind, door-mat pesonalities, then yes, finishing last happens a lot.
If Nice means having enough strength, wisdom, healthy compassion, and kindess that can be distributed without giving one's self away, then Nice guys will not finish last.
If we give out of our neediness... often give ourselves away beyond what we can afford. If whe give out of strength, we can treat people nicely yet not undermine our own lives. I guess this is what I was trying to say above.
Get to know yourself so you know what kind of nice guy you are. That would be my suggestion. I have tried it both ways, I prefer the latter.
It is a new beginning, no matter what the outcome, for us both. I hope we will be united, but like you, I know that there is a demand for great guys. I just hope the old adage about nice guys finishing last isn't true.