Sorry you're so down. You made a sweet gesture to help out. Can I be harsh with you this morning? I've got to anyway. Your children love you and want to be with you, but you are letting the past discolor every interaction. You have so much pain, resentment, and anger built up over the legal battle and such that no one can work their way through it. Is that how you want to live the rest of your life? I have no way of knowing exactly how you feel because I didn't live it, but I really think you need to find a way to let go of some of this.
My other comment is that you are growing resentful in response to minor cues. Maybe when you are talking to the mother of your children you say "our kids", but there are a lot of times that I say my kids. They are mine. They are also my XWs, but that doesn't negate that they are mine also. When I'm talking to some dad or mom at the swim meet, they will point out where "my kid" is. They don't say..."there is my W and my kid". It's just a term. Perhaps given how he's acted that it truly feels that he thinks they are only his, but you are putting a lot of stock and getting all angry and resentful because he chose to say "my". You are giving this word power, perhaps because of all the things in the past it was a major hit to your self-esteem and confidence in your motherhood. You are better than that. You know you are their mother and could be a damn good one to them if he'd just let you in.
I hate that your interactions with your kids are marred by this past. They still want to see you. They want their mother. You are letting Andy approval or disapproval determine how you interact with your kids or what you take from the time with them. Screw him. You do as you please when you are with them. If he says something to you about it then just say..."F$%^% off, I'm their mom whether you like it or not".
I am sorry you have had such bad interactions, but you can still stand your ground without overreacting.
W
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
