Well, he can officially forget me helping him now. The man has not learnt anything from these past nearly 4 years, and what's more, he's not even sorry for it - even some of the downright low things he did, he can't be human enough to feel sorry for the pain it caused me.
He's still justifying his actions all the time, still controlling etc etc, and we're not even together. I just tried to be helpful in a time of need. That will teach me not to show him any empathy.
We agreed that I would go to his place on Sunday so I could look after the kids and do some of his housework while he went to the hospital (please bear in mind I haven't been well myself so this was a big thing for me to offer).
He accepted, told me what time he wanted to leave for the hospital and I reminded him I have no access to a bathroom (really steep stairs in his house; cannot climb them without help) so I asked to not to be longer than a few hours so my bladder would hold, LOL.
We agreed on all the above and then he launched into this speech about how he doesn't want me to tell the girls I might still be pregnant.
I tried to make a joke out of it and said 'what shall I do if we have one? hide it in my chest of drawers!?'
Instead of laughing, he just started going on about how the girls are really worried about their grandad (as if I didn't know that) and they don't need me adding to it (not in those exact words but that was the implication).
I started getting upset so I snapped at him 'well they don't know me anymore anyway, so I don't suppose we will be having any meaningful conversations.'
He changed the subject to my book which was a really bad move as he hates my book and makes no effort to disguise the fact. He asked when it would be out. I said 'Why?' He said he was just asking, so I told him they were done and I would get my copy in the next 7-14 days. He said he should read the contents. I said why, so you can send me another letter from your lawyer?
He said the court thing was private and now I've made it public. I laughed at him and said tons of agencies knew about it, all our friends, his OW, everyone and that I had to read these 50 pages reports about what a [censored] mother I am and he thought that was private!? I reminded him that they even discussed our sex life in court.
He said that it was just like that film 'Maybe Baby' where the H writes a book about the couple and then she finds out and leaves him.
I said 'yeah, but you've already left so I don't care, and if you didn't want me to write about it, you shouldn't have done all that to me; you gave me the storyline of my lifetime.'
I told him he just didn't want to see it from my point of view which is why he hates my book.
He started trying to justify himself and said 'any divorced father would have done what I did, I was fighting for my right to have MY children.'
Notice he said 'my' children, not ours. I started crying and said that I know some divorced fathers and none of them have treated the XW like that, and none of them think the children are just 'their' children. All you men on here salute the role of your XW's as mother to your children - even Gabriel who is quite exacting sometimes, recognises the fact that his XW is mother to his son, and wouldn't change that fact.
Even the fathers who have custody wouldn't say 'my' children and only 'mine'. It's unbelieveable. I feel as if I was just a walking womb to grow his babies until they were done but apart from that, I had nothing to do with the process.
I am so disrespected. He says he loves me and all I feel from him is contempt. He can't even recognise the pain he caused me. He has no bloody idea.
I told him this and he said he had to go.
He's coming round this morning to get DD4 and I'm going to tell him I am not going to his house on Sunday. He can do his own chores if that is how he treats me. Honestly, I try to help and that's what I get!?!
I went to bed and had nightmares about murder, then woke up at 4 o clock in the morning feeling really sick and had to get up and deep breathe for a while to get it to go away.
