I am not afraid he will take DD4. He did in fact, take DD4 numerous times through her babyhood, illegally, her youngest age being only 3 weeks when it happened until I was too scared to allow him visitation. He then took her at 11 months of age and I was without her for 2 days, after which I enforced my custody by use of force and got my lawyer's approval to suspend his visitation so from when she was 11 months, until she was nearly 20 months old, he did not see her at all.
In fact when his visitation was re-started, she didn't know who he was and they ordered 1 overnight a week which was really hard for her because she basically had to stay in a stranger's house overnight and she was traumatised for about 1 month before she got used to it, refused to eat her food etc.
He wouldn't try it again because the judge threatened him with a penal sentance if he did it again, so if he snatches her one more time he goes to prison. He wouldn't risk it.
It was how I lost DD3 (I had custody and he broke the law to take her). It's very painful for me to write about and out of all the things that happened I would say my issues with DD3 are the most difficult that I am trying to come to terms with. It's also the recurrant reason why I find it so hard to trust Andy.
I feel if this hadn't happened, I probably wouldn't have called it off with him this time. What with the new pregnancy, I am having trouble believing that he has let go of these behaviours. I am scared what he will do if he decides he likes the new baby, after all.
He says that's all in the past but I'm not convinced because he's still so tight over my access to the other DD's and going back on arrangements etc that I feel those DD's are the key to this sitch. If he lets me mother them and he changes how he feels about my motherhood role, that is when I could start to trust him.
As for the court order, this is meant as a guide, and when I stuck to the court order, I was told by the court welfare officer that I 'wasn't being flexible' and on one occassion there was a children's party that Andy wanted to take them to on my visitation time, and I said no because it was my time and that was used against me because the kids missed the party because of me (I can't tell you what this did to my self-esteem, that the court thought a kids party was more important than their R with their mother ).
Also, in most British courts, holidays aren't put down in court orders. They expect that you be mature enough to organise it yourselves so I was told that as well as court ordered times, we had to mutally agree holiday times.
I could go and set it down in a court order to limit the number of times he asks for holidays (he's taken about 3 with her this year) but if I did that I would be forced to give him alternate Christmases and I can't. I would be totally alone over Christmas if I did that and I usually book to go away at that time of year to make it more bearable.
Because I allow him slightly more freedom over his holidays with her, I in turn have told him that he can't have her over Christmas (unless it is with me too) and the current arrangement is I have her every Christmas and he gets her Every New Year from 2nd January onwards, for 4 to 5 days.
You're very generous in the amount of time you let DD4 spend with him. You're a much better person than I would be in your circumstance. Does DD4 like going with him?
How are you feeling? Have you thought about whether you'd like a girl or a boy? Seems like after all the girls you've had a boy might be a nice change. Would Andy have a preference? How would he feel about a little boy?
DD4 is okay about going to him. She used to hate it and scream the house down. In fact the first time she went to his, he had to pull her out of my arms, sobbing. I cried every week, it was awful, but thankfully after about 2 months she got to like going there.
She loves playing with her sisters round there and enjoys the home ed stuff he does with her. She doesn't like it much if her sisters come here, though. She's very territorial of me and her house, won't let me kiss them or hug them, says 'that's MY mummy' etc.
I tried to explain I am their mummy too but she just says 'no'. Doesn't want to share her toys. She's happy enough if they come and play for a few hours but on the times I have tried to have them overnight, she just cries. She's a bit spoiled really, from being the 'only' child I have with me.
Assuming I am pregnant (nearly 16 days over, blood test tomorrow to find out), I would actually rather have another girl.
The reason being, girls names are nicer, their clothes are nicer, I know how to look after a girl because I've done it before, I don't have a clue how to change a boy's diaper, my sister told me that baby boys spray everywhere and have tiny erections and that makes me feel weird. They grow into men and I feel over-awed at the idea of mothering a man.
However, if I am pregnant and if it comes out with a little winkle, I will love it the same as if it was a girl, and I'm sure I will get the hang of the diapers!
Andy doesn't want a baby. He'd hate the idea full stop and will probably blot it out the whole pregnancy, but when it's born he'll be okay. I know he would have liked a son so he'd prefer a boy, once he gets used to the idea. He might be a little clingy over a boy.
I think it will be female, though, because of the pink bootie dream and him saying 'here is our DD' in that nightmare.
I went to the clinic first thing this morning and they blood tested me and scanned me.
Blood test hurt like bleedin' hell, I can tell you! They don't normally hurt that much. My arm is still stinging an hour later.
They scanned me and found that my womb lining is fairly thick and not breaking up etc - couldn't see a baby but then they can't anyway till about 6 weeks.
They gave me a card with their number on and told me to call them at 2pm to get the serum results. Ugh, this is so nerve wracking!
I am a regular lurker on your thread. You certainly have a lot of energy!
One thing I notice is that you two don't seem to have money issues. I understand that Andy home educates the children, so does he work and earn? How does he manage? Do you manage OK on what you earn through writing etc? Does the possible arrival of another baby not scare you on that front?
Hope I am not being too nosy. I wish you the best with your test results and your life too!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Well, I have mixed news. As I said, they scanned me and found the womb lining was really thick - indicating first signs of pregnancy, BUT both my tubes are blocked with some type of fluid and my blood results showed that my HCG level was just traceable and lower than they would think for 4 weeks - therefore they don't think that it will take and I will probably have an early miscarriage, like a long period, within the next couple of weeks.
Also, they are concerned about the fluid so they want to give me this pill which would essentially flush me out - that means any contents of the womb would be lost and if there is a potiential baby there, which there must have been to get any HCG reading, this means that that would get flushed also.
So it looks as if I will lose this.
They tell me this pill will force my period on too. I can't decide whether to take it. I keep thinking I should wait another week or two and see what happens, but they said it's just one of those conceptions that doesn't take and I am in pain down my side (for several days now, I assumed it was stretching pain), so they want to sort that out.
I am quite upset at the idea of taking pills. But I'm okay. Andy doesn't want a baby so I'm sure he will think this is better.
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