I am not afraid he will take DD4. He did in fact, take DD4 numerous times through her babyhood, illegally, her youngest age being only 3 weeks when it happened until I was too scared to allow him visitation. He then took her at 11 months of age and I was without her for 2 days, after which I enforced my custody by use of force and got my lawyer's approval to suspend his visitation so from when she was 11 months, until she was nearly 20 months old, he did not see her at all.
In fact when his visitation was re-started, she didn't know who he was and they ordered 1 overnight a week which was really hard for her because she basically had to stay in a stranger's house overnight and she was traumatised for about 1 month before she got used to it, refused to eat her food etc.
He wouldn't try it again because the judge threatened him with a penal sentance if he did it again, so if he snatches her one more time he goes to prison. He wouldn't risk it.
It was how I lost DD3 (I had custody and he broke the law to take her). It's very painful for me to write about and out of all the things that happened I would say my issues with DD3 are the most difficult that I am trying to come to terms with. It's also the recurrant reason why I find it so hard to trust Andy.
I feel if this hadn't happened, I probably wouldn't have called it off with him this time. What with the new pregnancy, I am having trouble believing that he has let go of these behaviours. I am scared what he will do if he decides he likes the new baby, after all.
He says that's all in the past but I'm not convinced because he's still so tight over my access to the other DD's and going back on arrangements etc that I feel those DD's are the key to this sitch. If he lets me mother them and he changes how he feels about my motherhood role, that is when I could start to trust him.
As for the court order, this is meant as a guide, and when I stuck to the court order, I was told by the court welfare officer that I 'wasn't being flexible' and on one occassion there was a children's party that Andy wanted to take them to on my visitation time, and I said no because it was my time and that was used against me because the kids missed the party because of me (I can't tell you what this did to my self-esteem, that the court thought a kids party was more important than their R with their mother ).
Also, in most British courts, holidays aren't put down in court orders. They expect that you be mature enough to organise it yourselves so I was told that as well as court ordered times, we had to mutally agree holiday times.
I could go and set it down in a court order to limit the number of times he asks for holidays (he's taken about 3 with her this year) but if I did that I would be forced to give him alternate Christmases and I can't. I would be totally alone over Christmas if I did that and I usually book to go away at that time of year to make it more bearable.
Because I allow him slightly more freedom over his holidays with her, I in turn have told him that he can't have her over Christmas (unless it is with me too) and the current arrangement is I have her every Christmas and he gets her Every New Year from 2nd January onwards, for 4 to 5 days.
).