Thanks Bruce, that was a really kind message.

It's harder than anyone knows. I've been on a real downer today. I feel really guilty for stepping back from Andy, and I feel as if I'm in the wrong over his birthday, as if I've let him down, even though he didn't think of me and he still persists in his friendships with the OW at my expense.

I feel as if somehow I am to blame; like if I was a good enough wife he wouldn't behave like that. I know he loves me, and it confuses the hell out of me. I feel ashamed that I can't help him, that my love wasn't enough to enable him to have a normal R.

I even feel guilty for possibly being pregnant, because he doesn't want anymore children. I used contraception but nonetheless, I am dreading his response. It was after all, my body that accepted his sperm so I feel kind of responsible.

If I am pregnant, I am thrilled to be having a baby, but I don't think he will be. Either that or he'll go to the other extreme after she's born and try to take her like he did with DD4. I am scared and will be glad when I know one way or another, and when he knows so I can get it out the way.

I feel totally alone, sexually unattractive etc etc and I would just give anything for a man to give me a hug.
I know there's you guys on here and you're all great but I reckon I need a real hug.
Kind of difficult since I don't know any men. I just really need human touch. I suppose I'll have to get over that one since there aren't any obliging males nearby

I am dreading what will happen when X brings DD4 back tomorrow

I went to a friend's house tonight and had dinner with them because I thought I would go crazy if I had to sit by myself any longer. It helped a bit.

Jo.