To be honest, I think dropping the rope and GAL work are the same as being dark. It's walking away, the same as I have done, but I thought the term implied the person still had hope that their X would see the light.
As for myself, I view what I did as walking away from him full stop and I don't even consider that I am actively doing GAL work, just simply being me.
Being me is enough for me, I don't have to make an effort to like myself or my work or my child, so that's enough for me.
I know Andy loves me, but his kind of half love I simply don't need. I was more upset like that than when I'm on my own (in fact, on my own I'm not upset) and I always said to myself if there comes a point where he upsets me more than he gives me pleasure, that's when I would leave. That time has come.
R's are supposed to be about give and take, and after 4 years of him taking from me, I am worn out. He can show massive amounts of empathy for other people and spend 8 hours consoling a distressed friend, yet only squeeze me in for an hour - the woman he is supposed to love. It's so disrespectful.
He gets himself involved with all these down and outs (because he has a thing about 'rescuing' people) and spends more time sorting their problems than his own. His whole family has fallen apart, yet he cares more about someone else going through a D, or someone who has been assaulted etc etc. I had it in the M, where he would form EA's with FF's because they had problems.
During my M I had to put up with his EA's with 2 women who'd just been raped, an assault victim, criminal activities, you name it, just because he felt sorry for them and wanted to be knight in shining armour.
That's actually how we got together in the first place, because I came from a violent home and I'd lost the friendship I had with his bro after he went to college, so I was feeling bereft and he was a shoulder to cry on.
I tell you, he doesn't like strong women. With OW1 it was the same, she was also in a state and as soon as she had got herself together, that was it.
I'm sure he finds me intimidating when I am self-assured, and I know he doesn't like my career because I'm making a go of things without him.
After all this time I am sick of his drama. I just want him to forget about his drop outs, forget about other people's problems and concentrate on his own, and if he bloody loves me, to prove it and marry me so we can be a family.
I'm not talking to him again, unless he comes round here with a ring and a pre-organised date for the wedding.
Jo.
PS: Sorry if I sound pissed off. Everyone on here is lovely.
