What I see in your H's running away getting his own place is a whole lot of fear.
he runs away from fear of not having any control in the R, believing he cant 'take care' satisfy you because of the ED, and whatever other issues are going on.
Is your career, job 'better' then his in some way?
Essentially he is running away before you can leave him.
However when he does run off, his fear of not having you sends him back again, but at the same time his need for you causes him to be angry... hence the acting out at you.
None of this is a solution for you however. These are his problems that you can only be there while he works thru them. Has he come back yet? If not I would say 'you cant come back untill you are here to work on this R.' That will take time to prove.
It shakes the dynamic a little and has risk of him acting out more, but puts your feet on a little firmer ground and IF he does agree then you can have a 'smidge' more confidance. You have set a boundary. Someone has to slow this rollercoaster down.
You will know if any of this rings true for you, its just what I see,
