okay guys, now I am a bit confused(like I wasnt already).
So last night I was surprised #1 that H came home. I thought that he might choose to stay at apt. given the way things went at C office on Monday. But #2 he actually came home early. Not only that #3 he wanted to talk. Of course I said okay but in mind I was preparing myself for wht I thought he was going to say. But instead he sat there and apologized for everything he has been doing and the way he has been behaving. He even apologized for his behavior at the C office. He told me he had talked to someone earlier that made him realize how great our lives together really is and how much he truly loved me. He admitted to not trying to make our R work because of some of the feelings he was having inside about himself. Being depressed about getting older, difficulty with impotence sometimes and feeling like life was passing him by. He told me he was going to move all of his things back in from apt. and really put the effort in our R.
I almost did not know how to respond. Here I was thinking he was going to tell me one thing and instead he told me the opposite of what I thought. I am causiously optimistic. I listened to what he said. I Asked him questions about himself and how he felt. I thanked him for the apology. I told him that what he said did make me feel alot better and gave me a better understanding of what he was going through. I did tell him that I felt we must continue our counseling together and individually. I do not want any unresolved issues to rear their ugly heads in a few months and end up going through this again. I have been through this twice with H and the first time ( a year and 1/2 ago) where he did pretty much the same thing that I am going through right now except he rented an apt. then and backed out before he moved in. This is one of the reasons I feel I need to proceed with a bit of caution. I did feel a sincerity in his words and actions last night that I have not seen in the past. I actually slept last night. A good sleep. More that the 2-3 hours I have been getting since my mind will not shut off at night. He even sent me a text message on my phone at work that said I love you. Wow that is so not like him at all. I guess I am wondering from anyone that has been following my ride part 1 & 2 if you have any advice on what they think about this lastest epiphany.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
