Thank you both for the encouraging words. Still trying to sort out my thoughts. I am glad it was a busy day at work. At least it keeps my mind off from this whole mess. We did schedule invidual appt. with the counselor. I think I may need that more at this point. It just feel like we keep doing the same thins over and over and moving forward is not one of them. Walking in cicles is more like it. I am just so tired of everything right now. Knowing I need to get out of this depressed mood I am in and doing it is much more difficult than I thought. I have never felt like this in my life. This depressed. I have plenty of rocky roads and devasting things happen in my past, but I was always able to come out of the depressed feeling. I guess it is just that this whole thing has been going on for almost 2 years and I have not been myself since. Always wondering what is going on with us, with him. Wondering why he is feeling the way he does and what I can do to help. Being afraid that I might lose a man that I love and have built a life with. I keep thinking about all the wonderful things in our life. The things we have accomplished together. I guess it hurts to know that he can just walk away with only the reason that it is that he just is not sure anymore. I guess for me it would be easier to have it be another man or another woman. Or that we argue constantly. Or someother reason that marriages fall apart. But it is just like one day he woke up and became someone I don't even recognize. Chrissy, I appreciated what you said. I am sorry that you are going through that as well. I guess it is just difficult for me to understand what he is feeling when it is hurting me so much. I know I need to just accept the fact that maybe there is nothing I can do to fix this and that it may not have anything to do with me at all. That so does not make this any easier. I keep wondering if he will come hme tonight after what happened yesterday at C. He was here last night but so was my stepson and H had to take him to school in the morning. His apartment is too far away from here for him to to do that. My Stepson is with us 4 days a week. All of his friends are here and his room, his things. I wonder how all of this will affect him as well. He would see his Dad alot less and leave all of his friends. My H fought for additional visitation and now he is here more than he is with his mother even though she has custody. I know I have so many other things to worry about, but that concerns me as well. It is hard for me not to be who I am even though all of this is happening right now.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
