Sweetheart, you two have a LOT of work to do. The good news is that there is plenty of passion between you. The bad news is that both of you seem to despise your emotions. You made a remark the other day about how your emotions were messing you up.
It troubles me that you are embarrassed and ashamed that you attempted suicide. And it really troubles me that your H would throw this up in your face. No one gets to this extremity unless they are really hurting. This is nothing to be ashamed of. It is not a character flaw or a sign of weakness.
And the fact that your H won't talk about the fantasy with the C-- what's the point of talking to a C if you won't level with her?
Your emotions are very important. They are your inner compass. You must learn to love them and the messages they are giving you. You will need help doing this-- more help than you can get from this board (though I hope you will keep coming here daily).
Please see the C individually. This MLC of your H's has precipitated a situation that challenges the very foundations of your soul. This is an emergency situation, and this is your opportunity to deal with it.
Ultimately you will be better, stronger, and happier, but it will get bumpy before it gets better. I predict you will start to feel clearer right away. You can do it!
