Hope this finds you in a better place then last night.
Your H and his explosion in the C office was not your doing. His not wanting his fantasy to come up was probably for various reasons. I suggest you blow that reaction right off. It was a knee jerk reaction at best.
I suggest to C that perhaps we need individual sessions vs. couples sessions.
I hope she agreed to this. And you pursue it.
I'll end up blaming myself anyway so what is the point in saying that
Why? why do you want to carry all the blame? You really need to come to a place to except that blame is not getting you any where. Blaming yourself or blaming your H will not get you anywhere other then were you are. Owning your faults are great but blame is not ownership. And as long as you only look to yourself for the why whats wronge with me what did I do wronge you are going to keep yourself in this emotional upheaval. It truely may not be about you and you might want to accept that possibility.
Roller I doubt you know much about my sitch but I am going to tell you something. I am not happy in my marriage. And it is really not about my H. It is about me. I am discontent with who I am vs who I was vs who I want to be. I am discontent with where I am in life vs where I thought I would be. This discontent has grown so large at times I feel I am drowning in it. And there is nothing that my H can do at this point to help me through it. I have to figure it out myself. Because it is me I am unhappy with not so much him. Sure there are things that he does that make me unhappy but it rates no where as high as my unhappiness with myself. I lost a large part of me over the years with doing what needed to be done. I am now on a journey to become whole again. None of this has to do with my H. Some of the parts I gave up were do to choices I made to be with my H. But see he does not even own responsibility in that. I made the choices I let myself get here. So when your H says it is not about you. He maybe telling you the truth.
It is just something he is going through.
When a child breaks there leg. Even though it affects the whole family and even though the parent feels terrible for the pain there child is enduring it is really only the child going through the ordeal of having a broken leg. It is only the child who needs time to mend the wound. There is a run off effect on the family of how they tend to this child while it is healing. But no matter how much they do for this child or how bad they feel and what kind of a toll it takes on the family really it boils down to one thing allowing the child time to heal.
Think back some to something that happened in your life something drastic that changed the course of your life. Think about how you felt and how long it took you to learn to deal and cope and get through those feelings. It may give you the patients and strenght to help your H have time to work through his feelings and learn how to cope and deal with them.
