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My H has been in, as decribed by therapist, a MLC. This has been going on for well over a year. We have not ever had a lot of arguments about much of anything. In the words of my husband during one of our sessions, We reached all our goals. Kids grew up to be great young men, successful careers, got the dream house etc... Now what.His thoughts about all of the things he missed from youth and the other road.


This seems to happen a lot to M's when the couple reaches a certain age and goals are attained. I think my H had somewhat of an early MLC himself. He also went off and got the apartment and wanted to be "independent" for a while. Your H stated he misses his youth. I think he probably also just wants what he doesn't have. That is human nature, grass is always greener...
Some people manage to deal with this crisis better than others. But I think we all want what we don't have at one time or another. Some people just fantasize about it, others feel like they have to live it out. Unfortunately, other lives are hurt in the process.
Your H shared with you a very intimate sexual fantasy, to have you be with another man. Everyone has there own ideas of what is erotic so I'm not going to judge whether or not that is good/bad for your M. The point is you do not agree with him on this fantasy and you made that clear. Good boundary control.
What are some things you could offer instead to show him that you are willing to make changes to your M and your sexual life together? If he feels comfortable that you are willing to try new things he may be less inclined to escape the M overall. It's never just about sex. You are in MC so I'm sure you are aware of the issues in your own M.
Also, I hate to say this, but there is really nothing you can do to change HIM at this point. He needs to take the journey on his own. My H and I wasted 4 months in MC because he was not engaged in the process. He was determined to do what he wanted to do and until HE made the CHOICE to come back to us, I had to GET A LIFE. That is what you should be doing now. I know it is hard but asking "Why does he want out?" will drive you INSANE. He sees the M differently than you do and until you start to see it in a SIMILAR way, progress will be very slow. Hang in there.