Steady and big progress; Yet....

[doctorcue]

Hey all, it has been a while since I posted, but I thought I would give an update as to what is going on. For those who don't know (I assume most! ); Here is my old thread:

Need Advice

So, a lot has happened since my last post. Essentially, my wife came over to my new apartment and told me she wanted us to "work" and she wanted to live there. Take some time, but eventually moved in. Well, we moved a little too fast and started talking about decorating & such. Also, so happy, I got a little too physical for her. At the end of the weekend, I could tell she wasn't comfortable. Basically, she felt we jumped in too fast. Also, she said that she was uncomfortable with the level of touching or "desire" I had for her. That it has always been an issue.

As a side note, she told me that sex has always been an issue. That I made her feel like that is all I wanted. I don't know how to take this as she initiated contact with other guys and looks at adult material on the web all the time. So I don't know if it is a cop-out. I do feel as though I did request to be physical (my LL along with QT) too often, so I have really worked on that. Also, I found out prior to the first weekend that she told the OM that "I married her because I loved her, not for sex." So when the weekend hit and I asked for it, I just proved the OM right. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

So... things got somewhat undone for a couple of weeks. Big backslide on my part, but I just shook it off as a mistake and moved forward. I re-established some goals. Actually, I was writing new ones when the wife called and said she wanted to stay the weekend again. Thankful for another chance, I kept my cool and said I would love to. Easy weekend, really DB'n on my part, & just keeping it easy. She sent me an email the Monday she got back and said she had a great time. That she is "100% committed to me" and wants to move in before Halloween. She knows it was just one weekend, but can feel us reconnecting. We have since shared another weekend together where she talked about moving in sooner, like October 1st! I kept it cool and she talked about getting a new couch (our old one SUCKS) and we did some shopping.

So to say the least, I'm happy but somewhat confused. We have been separated for 16 weeks. During this time we have had our ups & downs but usually stayed in contact. So here I am at the crossroads of piecing everything back and trying to build a new life. Yet I have concerns. I know she still contacts other man. Frequently as that as she can call whenever or he can text her whenever. Also, she has told me over the weeks about how he makes her feel and that is what was missing from our relationship. So I have really worked on making the proper changes for us in myself.

Now, the question I have is what should I ask or expect of her? I don't know if she has changed at all. Obviously she is more open to me and things have felt more couple like recently. Yet, our we functioning again because the affair is fizzling? At what point should I do an OR talk? I definitely want to go back to counseling, but when do I ask for this? It may seem bad, but I feel as though I had to restart everything and now she is feeling that I am the better choice. So, it would only make sense to move in with me. Yet is it me or the new environment she wants? I don't feel as if she is choosing me. In the past I would have emailed her a long list of questions, but I know that isn't the right thing to do. As always, "Will this work towards my goals" DB questions come into my mind. So I come here to the knowledgeable people and ask for advice.

Tough and I know it will be tougher as we go along. Yet, I have to take baby steps and realize the successes I have encountered. Let me list them:

She is moving back in next weekend
She is wearing her wedding ring again (at her choice)
She wants to do a weekend in Tahoe when it snows (romantic I take it)
She talks about doing a 5th Anniversary trip to Florida next May

So, all is not bad, but I guess I have my John Gray identified Mr Fix-it hat on. I know I need to kick that off and strap on the DB-Beanie for this winter. Then the DB baseball cap in Spring. Then the DB Safari hat for summer (it gets hot!). So I guess, I just need to set a new set of goals now that she is coming back to me. I guess I just want to know why. Is it wrong to want to know? It feels as if it would be wrong to ask though. I just don't know... help!