Normally I would have encouraged you to seperate temporarily for two reasons. (although I would advocate telling her that you are leaving, to think things over, find yourself, yada yada.)
One is for you to get a grip on yourself, so your W isnt seeing you all over the place like this. You need A LOT of silent introspective time, to make solid decisions, mentally recommit to the M, and set goals. It is killing her respect and further demolishing her attraction for you watching your current actions.
The other is so you could get some power back in the R due to the reasons Cobra stated. Like HP has stated your timing is so terrible what with the newborn that I simply cant recommend it. "
Almost missed that part of the post it was so long and I am so tired. You are right, I think some time away from the relationship would probably me some good, but it is just not possible now. In addition, I am just not very good by myself. My view of myself is pretty much completely tied up in what other people think of me (or at least my perception of those thoughts). Just the thought of be alone for a few days much less weeks or months fills me with such loneliness. The fact of the matter is I just don't like myself most of the time, and the feelings of guilt over the affair certainly don't help. Now there are new feelings based on what I am reading here on this board that it is my own low self-esteem that has driven my wife away from me. Her lack of attraction to me is due to her seeing me be a self-depricating wuss all the time. It is a vicious circle, because it makes me want to be even more of a self-depricating wuss just thinking about how I am a self-depricating wuss and what that has caused in my life.
I had another thought that will probably cause me to get lambasted. I think all of my hanging on to OW is an attempt to keep those positive feelings I had about myself during the EA alive. I can feel those positive thoughts slipping away every day as the memory of the EA fades and the reality of my marriage problems sets back in. I'm trying to convince myself that I need to find strength of character in myself and not in someone else's opinion, especially not OW, but it is just going to take time, if it happens at all.
OK. Moping and venting over for now. Gotta get to work.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
