LFL You are very correct not all affairs are created equal. I am not judging others, Judging is not in my personality type at all. I dont remember anyone here judging you. Mrs.Nop restated what I have said to you before, you were abandoned and then started your new R. I would be perfectly 'justified' if I were to start a new R now also. I havent because I dont want the confusion, dont need the validation, am not sure what I will do if she stops divorce, want to make sure jealousy is not a motivating factor for her, etc.
I want to make this crystal clear, it is the lying and the deception that I abhor and the need by the affaire to be vicious, vindictive and hurtful fueled by their guilt and shame. Telling someone 'This M is over' and then moving on is perfectly above board, and I have no problem with that either. Though I do think in most situations it is immature.
Im really going to shock some people now.
I am perfectly ok with those who choose to swing in their R's, (though most of them have phsyc issues, but then again dont we all) and perfectly ok with polygamy. It is done openly without lying or deception. I am no serial cheater, LFL married or not. I have been a parallel dater, but I was honest about it. I would not lie to my spouse or disrespect another persons personal boundary or right to choose to be in a situation like that. The personality traits I project here are by no means my complete personality. They are me trying to teach and make a point. You came close to pegging my MO last week. smarty pants. It was funny because I have made no attempt to be subtle about it, hence the teasing that you figured me out.
I have not commented much on Globules affair other then to point out the things he did that were attractive so he can pull them into his new M. I saw the other things but I did not feel attacking those points was useful, at the time, and others are pointing it out in a kinder, more tactful way then I am prone to.
If he had still been in the midst of it I would have put some smack down. His first post implied that it was over, so its time to get to work salvaging and rebuilding not focusing on the past. I was getting ready to bring it up and I am glad others did first. Globule is all over the place right now (sorry, buddy you are) and I have not even discussed being attractive since all the other more important convos and issues you and HP and Mrs. Nop, Cobra too are discussing and starting to work on.
LFL you feel for other people, its cute, I like you lots because of it, but all our sitches are different. Yours played out how it did and you both are trying to make the best of it. Awesome, you both have shown your true love for each other and commitment to the M. nonetheless, you still have some residual confusion and longings left over because of OM.
I AM sick of affairs being considered a harbinger of good. GEL and HP -HDW--are having some good progress without them. The nops, I think? and I believe GGB --HDH--is having some success also.
"When someone loves you despite the fact that they can see all your flaws, that is reality-based love
I had this for my x, and was hopinng she would have it for me too. Its painful to love someone this way and know it isnt returned and find out it never will be.
Globule, I never thought you had equated them either. Your biology is running amuck right now, and I do empathize with the turmoil you are in. For the sake of your M and the long term goals you want with your W, you gotta get a hold of it, whatever it takes. I encourage you to at least ask about some anti-depressants. preferably libido killing ones.
Quoting Cobra
Quote: I bet that if you gave her the silent treatment and just walked out without telling her where you are going, and stayed gone without any communication at all for several days, you would see a different reaction in her. This may be hard for you to do (and I’m not necessarily recommending this specific act, but something along these lines), but it could help to empower you. You may return to find out that she is very PO’d at you and has started to feel her vulnerabilities. For my wife, the only way for her to understand what I am feeling is for her to feel it herself.
Globule,
Normally I would have encouraged you to seperate temporarily for two reasons. (although I would advocate telling her that you are leaving, to think things over, find yourself, yada yada.)
One is for you to get a grip on yourself, so your W isnt seeing you all over the place like this. You need A LOT of silent introspective time, to make solid decisions, mentally recommit to the M, and set goals. It is killing her respect and further demolishing her attraction for you watching your current actions.
The other is so you could get some power back in the R due to the reasons Cobra stated. Like HP has stated your timing is so terrible what with the newborn that I simply cant recommend it.
I suspect the ladies will chime in her with a denouncement of that idea also. They like to seize any opportunity to KMA.
