Quote: You cannot reason with her on the subject of animals, and every time you try, you will be defeated and frustrated. Her passion and devotion is not based on logic or reason, and you cannot reach her through these channels. I would have thought you would get this after 30 years. You say you've been accused of "having no feelings." Well, this subject is ALL ABOUT feelings, so it's no wonder y'all can't communicate on it.
Stop trying to have rational convos about the animals.
And Cine said
Quote: I know you have a great love for your animals, but I don't feel that love is extended to me. I would be more open to having them here, participating in their care, etc. if I felt loved by you.
Both of you have hit on different aspects of something that has rung true with me: this isn’t really about the animals. There are so many of them that the animals are an issue, but the bigger issue is that I feel that the animals are more important to her than I am. Another issue is the lack of respect that I feel. I’m beyond incensed when she asks about getting another dog, we discuss it, we agree not to, and she gets another one anyway. It’s offensive to me that she cares more about her dogs than her children.
Lil, it is feelings and it’s not rational, but we still need to communicate about it. How do I do that? I like Cine’s suggestion, but it would take some modification. For one thing, I don’t foresee any scenario where I would actually be happy with current animal population. They simply take too much time, too much money, and too much of our lives. Another problem is that we fit HD’s description of the co-dependent love addict and the narcissistic love addict. He said “This includes enabling, rescuing, caretaking, passive-aggressive controlling, and accepting neglect or abuse. In general, CLAs will do anything to “take care” of their partners in the hope that they will not leave—or that someday they will reciprocate.” of me, and it’s right on the money. I harbor all sorts of resentment about it, but I already devote so much to W’s animal obsession that I don’t see how I could possibly do more. I’m doing the “anything in the hopes that they will reciprocate” thing. That’s another pattern that I’m trying to break. I haven’t stopped, but it’s been waaaaay down since my give a damn has been on life support.
