I understand beeeeelieve me...it's very frustrating. I guess my point in telling you these things is this....I had to confront him about it, I had to call him on the carpet for him to see what he was doing and literally get him to understand how his words sounded.
Fortunately one day...we were in our C's office waiting for our appt. Someone said something in a very emphatic tone of voice that came across like "I won't and you can't make me"...I don't remember their words but that was the tone. The tone in this mans voice stopped both of us....as we walked past the man, I asked my H "did you hear him?" he said "yeah"....."well honey, that's EXACTLY how you sound when you say "I've just never talked about it!"" He said, "really?...wow!" This was right about the time our C told him she could tell he was resisting too.
I guess it was the key turning in the lock of understanding for him....he was beginning to see that he really was digging in his heels, he didn't know why, but he was doing it. The only way for him to stop doing that and save our M was to get past it somehow.
That's one of the reasons I soooo advocate cutting the BS between you two. Both of you are going to have to stop avoiding...but I think we both know you are going to have to do it first, sucks but true. If you don't stop avoiding the conflict, she sure as heck won't step up and do it and make the necessary corrections to your R.
Perhaps going to the C on your own for a session or two will help give you the tools to better handle a conflict situation....because they will have to happen in order for change to start happening.
I know you'll eventually work this thing out and get to the point where you can do something...it's just a tough process sometimes getting to that point.
