I was also not completely successful in communicating what it was I was trying to ask. Let me try again. We’ve been down the MC route twice before. As you know, when it came time to address some of W’s real issues, primarily sex, W quit going. She said that there was nothing more the C could do for her. She professed to like both C’s and still talks about how good the first one was, but she didn’t address her real issues while she and we were seeing him. I have no reason whatsoever to believe that it would be any different if I were to start the process again.
So rather than asking if it would be another manifestation of my avoidance if I were to go back to the C, maybe I should have explained myself more. What I was really considering was going back myself as a more or less one shot deal. I’ve done it a couple of times before. What I was really thinking about was talking to the C, who knows her and who has dealt with her before, and asking him how I should approach her and how much I should bring up.
I also considered asking W to go back to the C with me. There was also a part of me that knows W’s anger problems all too well. That part was thinking that it might be better to start this process with an impartial referee. The truth is that I know the C can’t help her unless she wants to be helped. I also know that I am the only one who can put the pressure on her to make her want to be helped. So getting back into MC on a continuing basis probably wouldn’t be productive at this point. Maybe if and when she feels the need to address some of our/her problems, but not now.
So the intent isn’t really to avoid. The idea was to get some professional advice on how to handle things. The reason I was thinking that it might just be more avoidance is because I honestly believe that all of you have given me outstanding advice already. What could the C say that would be better than your telling me to be honest and clear and to do it in a calm and controlled way?
Oh yeah - I hardly saw W last night either. I was at work late (legitimately this time - not avoiding going home) and she was out in the barn/kennels when I got there. I told her I was home and going back in to scrounge up something to eat. She hadn't made it back in by the time I went to bed.
