I want to make sure you both know...I'm not saying that going to the C first would be a bad thing, of course it wouldn't. I was more commenting to you Zbube, that what you were doing in asking if going to a C first would still be avoiding conflict....because, yes...it is.
However, at least if you do go to the C 1st it's constructive...it's not just leaving all of this in your head and muddling it over endlessly.
I re-read my post and I didn't quite get across what I'd intended.
I do think though that Zbube, if both of you go to a C together you have a much better chance of getting your W to understand how her refusal (perhaps not the right word) to deal with her issues is truly affecting your M, because it's affecting how she interacts (or doesn't in her case) with you.
