I guess the way I see it (if this helps) is you don't feel important, you aren't a priority (the dogs are)...but the dogs aren't the issue, your R is. You need to be concentrating on YOU and HER, not the dogs. I feel fairly certain if you try to bring up the dog issue...as an issue in itself, she will shut down and shut you out, she won't listen and she'll feel attacked.
You need to be coming at this from the "I" perspective, try to remember that and since that's the case...then doesn't it make sense that you approach it "I don't feel important to you."?
Bub (still like saying that) here's a suggestion. Write down the things she does/doesn't do (as a start) that make you feel unimportant or a non-priority. No matter what it is, dogs...coming to bed after you're asleep, not listening to you, whatever...it could be a very long list. Then take a good look at that list and rearrange it from most to least important.
What you've got to do is get it out of your mind and start putting it on paper, at least that's the beginning of "action". As long as you keep getting bogged down in thinking about it you will find it hard to "do" something about it.
Ok...now on to the next thing. No, don't wait to be provoked, that's a bad time to try to have a discussion like this. You need to do this when you are calm and unprovoked. I mean...wouldn't it have more impact on you if someone came to you without an argument taking place (or whatever) and said "we need to talk"...also if you do it in this manner you are less likely to become flustered.
