I can understand that....I imagine you're probably afraid you will either just completely lose it! Or you'll ramble and not make any sense...am I anywhere near the target here?
Ok...so here's something to try. Use an approach like you would in business (this works for me)...to help keep you on track. Of course this is personal and of course this isn't the office....but try this:
Write yourself a list of bullet points with points you want to make. You don't have to show this to her (but you can if you want), this is just for you. You might even just jot down a phrase or two that are really important for you to get out (for ex: my telling my H "I won't live like this indefinitely!". You might even want to put them in order of importance (highest to lowest) to make sure you get your most important points in....in case you have to take a break, or for some reason can't finish the entire convo at one time.
If you find yourself getting angry, rambling, losing your point...stop, take a breath and refer back to it, it will help get you back on track just as you'd pull a business meeting back on track that starts to wander.
She may ask why that paper is there, or accuse you of scripting this convo...if so, fine...explain what the paper is and why you have it (be honest).
I had no idea until very recently how much of this you'd been holding in, and ZBub...this needs to come out. Don't wait for yourself to blow-up (which we know would eventually happen) blow-ups rarely are productive. I think you'll find that once you've manage to have this convo with your W you are going to feel a lot of stress fall off your shoulders simply because you aren't holding it in any longer. Don't wait til your "give a damn's busted" on this...what's the point in doing that? Try to break your pattern of conflict avoidance now, if nothing else...you will be working on something for yourself by doing that and you will be AMAZED at how that can affect your R and other aspects of your life as well.
((((ZBube)))) You know I'm pulling for you. Feel free to e-mail me if you want to bounce some ideas off of me.
