There’s just one thing… This may be playing word games, and if any of you think that’s the case, feel free to call BS on me, but I don’t think it was guilt that brought me back. If you’ll remember my dissertation on guilt, I said that even after I came back, I still felt justified in what I had done and didn’t really feel guilty at all. The guilt came into the picture later. I came back because I felt that I had an obligation to my W, to my DD, and to God. I had some intellectual guilt since I knew that adultery was wrong, but I didn’t feel any guilt.
While I’m on the subject of guilt, I have more to say. Everybody keeps telling me that it’s time to give up the guilt and forgive myself. I really think I have done that. I do have some remorse that I made a bad decision that was detrimental to my family, but it’s not like the bag of rocks. It’s no different than other bad decisions that have affected us. I sold the building when I sold my business. That was probably a bad decision; it was a paid-for, money-making asset that was in a primo location. It could still be generating income for me. But it’s too late to cry about it now. I look at the A and the D exactly the same way. It was a bad decision that adversely affected my family, but it’s over and done with. And it was a long time ago.
Quote: IMHO you played the big card back then, and if you make noises like you might leave again, she can fold her arms across her chest, look you in the eye, and say BTDT. To me the D sealed your fate even more than the A.
I tend to agree with that assessment as well. It does make me feel even more powerless that I would otherwise.
