W does have very low self-esteem. It’s obvious in most areas of her life. I’ve told you about her saying that she’s a bad wife. She also says that she’s not a good mother. Actually, she says something like, “I’m just not the ‘mother’ type”, but in the context and with the inflections, it’s pretty clear that what she’s really saying is that she’s not a good mother. I’ve told you about her weight. She’s way too fat, admits to being way too fat, complains about being so fat, and constantly tells me how much she hates being so fat, but she won’t do anything about it. She hates her teeth, she hates her hair, … She pretty much dislikes everything about her body both individually and as a whole.
I’m sure that I haven’t been entirely successful, but since I’m well aware of her feelings of inadequacy and her poor self-image, I’ve tried very hard not to say or do anything to exacerbate those feelings. That is another thing that has contributed to my conflict avoidance. I am loathe to call her on any of her behavior because I think it will make those feelings even worse. She tells me that she thinks she’s a bad wife. If I complain about some aspect of her behavior in the M, she tells me, “See, I told you I wasn’t a good wife.” And yes, that has happened.
So I really don’t think that we reinforce her feelings of inadequacy and failure. But I do believe that you’re on the right track with the animals’ reaction to W. She has said that she likes animals better than people many times. I’m no shrink, but my gut feeling is that it’s involved with her feelings about herself. She’s not inadequate and not a failure with dogs.
GEL, you make valid points. I haven’t actually told her any of this, bluntly or otherwise. As for the rest of what you said, I’m chewing…
