Why did you accept that she had crossed your boundary?
Why didn't you cart the puppy back up and take it back?
I believe that your wife treats you the way she does is because you have essentially taught her how to treat you. We all do that.
Your wife needs someone to set some firm boundaries with her and require her to be a better person. It sounds like she doesn't even like the person she is when she is with you. But she does like the person she is with the animals and within her various animal-related organizations.
