Quote: What is it that you cannot imagine with out her. Is that based on comfort or love? Even with all the problems in my marriage it is hard to imagine what life would truly be like with out my H. But I don't know if it is love or just because he has been there for so long I am just use to him being there. Sorta like if I know I am sick in bed he will be there to cook dinner for the kids comfort.
Like I told GEL (or was it Lil?) in answering some of her questions, now might not be the best time to answer that. I’m in a pretty dark mood right now. Ideally, I would like to say that it’s love, my dark mood is pushing me toward saying it’s comfort and familiarity, and reality is probably somewhere in between.
The truth is that ever since I saw the “Why do you want to ML with someone who doesn’t want to ML with you” question raised on this board, I’ve been questioning myself and this R. The reasons I gave earlier for what attracted me to W in the first place are mostly no longer true. We still have very similar religious and political views, but that’s about all. Our tastes in movies, TV, and music have diverged to the point that we rarely go to a movie or watch TV together. The kind-heartedness and generosity aren’t what I thought either. They seem to be either centered on animals or done more for the way they make her feel about herself than out of any real generosity. But just like sex, I really can’t know what she’s thinking – and I guess I shouldn’t try.
I don’t know, I’ve just been feeling very disillusioned and detached lately. I’m just tired of working, agonizing, working some more, digging into my own psyche and motivations to try to improve myself and my M, and working some more, all to no avail. After I’ve suffered through decades of having my needs ignored, and after I’ve put myself through all of that, I can plainly see that any old random stray cat has more value to W than I do. It’s just depressing.
