Quote: I guess my question is how do I know that he is not having second thoughts? or did have them but b/c OW became pregnant couldnt come home
Even if he IS having second thoughts - IMHO, you need to keep out of his life. He has a child now, and an obligation to that child - and the best thing for that child is an intact family.
Yes, I might feel differently if you had been the perfect wife and she had seduced your H - but face it, YOU started the infidelity ball rolling in your marriage. In fact, you are probably primarily responsible for where your poor H is now (if he's unhappy) in that his affair was probably a REaction to your infidelity and lying, and now he's stuck with a woman that he probably didn't spend a whole lot of time picking out.
Still, if they ever have a chance of working it out, it probably WON'T be from you coming around and dangling yourself in front of him again.
If you feel you mUST speak with him so you can gain closure, then why not do so by telling him the truth? "Dear H, I just wanted to apologize for everything I put you through. I lied to you and wasn't truthful about my infidelities. I really regret everything and hope you will have the happy life you deserve."
