I used to post a couple of years back when I was going through my D. I am back now because I have made alot of realizations and now have questions.
Quick Background
m-28 exh - 26
We were married for a year to the date that he left. Our relationship was great until we were married. My parents do not communicate too well and I didnt really learn skills that I needed to be in a successful marriage. About 3 months after we were married I began to go out alot with friends, to bars ect. I didnt keep the house up, and began to have intimacy issues. In fact, me and my exh went a month without having sex. He told me many times what he needed from me and I didnt hear it at that time.
I came home one day and found a personal ad on the computer that he had done. I was devestated and confronted him. He was also very distraught and promised that he would have never actually done anything and he would go to counseling with me. Well, counseling never happened and we both tried to act like we were happy.
I guess deep down I never got over that and had sexual relations 3 times with 2 different people (people I knew.) I never had sex but no cheating is ever justified imho.
I have denied this to EXH to this day. He suspected it and when I think back to the way I treated him it makes me want to get sick.
I started to come out of my "fog" about a month before our 1st anniversay. We had planned on having a child and he was upset that I had changed my mind and wanted to wait a year before we tried. So, after alot of thinking I decided I was ready. The problem was, he was not now. He said we werent financially stable yet and yada yada yada. It was about this time that I had my "awakening" that I noticed he was very withdrawn. Did not want to spend time with me and came home late from work everynight. I knew in my heart that he was having an affair b/c he was doing the exact same things to cover it up as I was. Turning my cell phone off, saying I was one place but was at another. He kept denying there was anyone else.
He came home one night and was miserable I finally told him if he was that unhappy then leave. He left and told me that night he'd been unhappy for months, married too young, was depressed, you name it he said it. I begged pleaded with him to come home, it made him stray farther.
He did come home for a week but was very unhappy. He went to a C and she was not pro-marriage. He came home saying she said he had to leave to be happy. It was awful.
To make a long and painful story short. I did end up catching him with OW, still denies it. He got an apartment with her, lost his job, and now has a child with her. We are now D.
I found this site a little late. I DB my butt off which did help to postpone the D. When he left he was very angry, said I ruined his family, hurt him too badly. He told OW and most of the city that I was a whore. It got bad. He wanted a D asap. As soon as I backed off and stopped contacting him he became less angry. He wasnt too rushed to get a D b/c everytime I spoke with him he didnt have time to do it. I actually went 3 months without speaking with him. He eventually did call and we filed together. It was the most painful day of my life and I am sure for his. Court wasnt much better. I went along with the entire thing and he basically gave me everything, furniture, house, ect. I later found out that OW found out she was pregnant around this time. Maybe even that week.
I havent spoken to him for months. We have been D for over a year. During that time I have stayed very close with SIL. My MIL died suddenly so I did see him and OW there. I hear about his life from SIL and it doesnt seem that he is happy. He is engaged to OW, gave her a ring when he found out she was pregnant, but no moves to get married. Family doesnt really like her, I guess shes a party girl and takes no care of the baby.
I am currently in a relationship myself but am having a hard time moving on. I have extreme guilt for what I had done and am not so sure what he did he did out of his own will or b/c he felt he had to. There is really no need to talk to him b/c we do not have any children, however, SIL always calls and asks if I am still with my current BF and talks about exh. In the back of my mind I am wondering if she calls for information.
I guess my question is how do I know that he is not having second thoughts? or did have them but b/c OW became pregnant couldnt come home. I do love my current BF but for some reason cant seem to move forward with him until I know for sure that there was never a hope for reconciliation. I guess I am struggling with having no closure. I am sorry that I rambled in this post and probably left out alot of things my mistake.
