My H and I struggle with the snoring thing too...know what works best for me? Earplugs, seriously. Buy her some of the foam type earplugs, they aren't uncomfortable and block out the noise for me. They really do work.
Quote: Why doesn't she want to shed the jammies again?
She said something about her foot being swollen and hurting. Of course, I can't see why that should matter, because, if she's lying on the bed, she's not on her foot. And I'm certainly not going to kick her in the ankle. If she says this again, do you think it's just an excuse, and if so, should I call her on it?
Quote: What have you done to alleviate the snoring? Is it related to sinuses or weight or apnea? I would make that a priority, if I were you.
Well, honeypot, I don't know what to do to alleviate the snoring, and I have absolutely no idea what it's related to. That's part of the problem, in that neither of us have a handle on how to alleviate it.
Quote: My H and I struggle with the snoring thing too...know what works best for me? Earplugs, seriously. Buy her some of the foam type earplugs, they aren't uncomfortable and block out the noise for me. They really do work.
I have a sneaking suspicion that that suggestion won't go over too well, Greeneyedlass. But I will make the suggestion nonetheless.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
I wasn't too keen on the idea of earplugs when my H suggested I try them either, but once I did finally try them...I was sold!
Also, do you have any allergies that you know of that could stuff you up at night? My H suffers from some and that really makes his snoring worse. He takes some allergy medicine before bedtime as well.
My bf snores and my late husband snored. I wear a thick soft eye mask (from the Brookstone store-- I believe Honey has a grudge against them ) and foam rubber earplugs from Walgreen's. I even wear these to sleep or nap alone. Your body needs pitch blackness to make melatonin so you can sleep. In these days of digital clock readouts, and tons of ambient light, darkness is hard to achieve. This mask does the trick. Ditto the earplugs for total silence. VERY relaxing.
Also, don't push the no jammies issue. Jammies/no jammies are not the crux of the problem. My bf and I sleep stark staring nude together every night, fully spooned, and haven't had sex in months.
Quote: Also, do you have any allergies that you know of that could stuff you up at night? My H suffers from some and that really makes his snoring worse. He takes some allergy medicine before bedtime as well.
Greeneyedlass, I may have some allergies like that. I had allergies when I was younger, but I thought I had mostly outgrown them. I have tried taking doses of generic Claritin and Sudafed before going to bed; my wife reports that those didn't stop me from snoring, but did decrease the amplitude somewhat.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
Arj, If the clothes were working for ya, stick with those for the time being. You can always up the ante later on. Or maybe just she can shed the jammies while you stay clothed. That way she doesn't have to worry. Or maybe you both just drop trou and enjoy the skin!
Have you gone to the doctor about the snoring? Get thee to a doctor! If she mentions that she wants to sleep with you, then be proactive and show her that you are heeding her wishes and desires.
Oh and what did you do while laying on the bed? Can you massage her, under her jammies? That way, you get a little skin contact going but not enough to freak her out. Unless that would freak her out. If that's the case, then ignore me until about a month into the process and try it then!
Quote: If the clothes were working for ya, stick with those for the time being. You can always up the ante later on. Or maybe just she can shed the jammies while you stay clothed. That way she doesn't have to worry. Or maybe you both just drop trou and enjoy the skin!
All true, honeypot. Additional possibilities:
Remove our pajama tops only, but keep the bottoms on. That might be a good intermediate step.
Remove pajamas, but keep our underwear on. Another possible intermediate step en route to full Stage I conditions.
Quote: Have you gone to the doctor about the snoring? Get thee to a doctor! If she mentions that she wants to sleep with you, then be proactive and show her that you are heeding her wishes and desires.
Do you mean a primary-care physician? I don't have one of those.
Quote: Oh and what did you do while laying on the bed? Can you massage her, under her jammies? That way, you get a little skin contact going but not enough to freak her out. Unless that would freak her out. If that's the case, then ignore me until about a month into the process and try it then!
All I did was hold her, very gently. I didn't want to do something that would hurt her and cause her to break off the encounter early. A massage might do that, especially since my hands are so strong and her back can be so sensitive. I don't think she'd be freaked out, just say "Ow!" and pull away, which is just as bad.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
As Honeypot already said, if you haven't been to a Dr. about your snoring...go. Find yourself a primary physician and go. It's a pro-active step on your part so she can see you are trying to do something....SHE has voiced a desire to sleep with you...do it!
Well by 'massage' I really meant just light touching. Running your fingers up and down her back or front or whatever. Or her arms or head or face. You get the picture. Really, what you are doing is great. I'm not trying to tweak it, only giving suggestions for the next phase.
Primary care, yeah I guess. Or an ENT, whomever would logically treat snoring. Or what about those adhesive strip deals? Do those work?
In your sitch I see two people who do not touch much, for any reason. So to even think about sex is skipping, like, 20 in-between touches. Even an HD gal like myself would be weirded out at the thought of ML to H without the intermediary touches...the touches that keep me familiar with the feel of his skin, the smell of him, the taste of him.
I think you are wise to start small with incorporating touch back into your lives. She needs to reacquaint herself with your body and vice versa. There is no doubt in my mind that she was thinking about sex when you held her. She was asking herself, How will I get to there from here ? And the answer was, I need to continue to touch him until I feel comfortable with it and I need it a lot--even sleeping with him for the whole night.
She's giving you the answers, now it's up to you to do your homework and make it happen!
Quote: As Honeypot already said, if you haven't been to a Dr. about your snoring...go. Find yourself a primary physician and go.
I don't know how to find a primary physician. I've actually tried looking for advice online about how to find a primary-care physician, but I haven't found anything I could use.
My wife has one, but he's never treated me for anything...and she tells me he's not taking new patients anyhow. I haven't had a regular primary-care doctor at least since I went to college...I just have never gotten sick enough to warrant it.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
) and foam rubber earplugs from Walgreen's. I even wear these to sleep or nap alone. Your body needs pitch blackness to make melatonin so you can sleep. In these days of digital clock readouts, and tons of ambient light, darkness is hard to achieve. This mask does the trick. Ditto the earplugs for total silence. VERY relaxing. 
