Sorry haven't been around for a bit, went out of town. Blackfoot hit the nail on the head with what I was getting at about your statement.
To add to that though, you do need to treat your W as a WOMAN not as an HD/LD partner. There isn't a woman I know, HD/LD who does not find confidence attractive.
Just the mere fact that you did phrase your post the way you did (about almost screwing up) tells me that this way of thinking does eek over to real-life. I'm sure you had the chance to re-read your post before you actually posted it....things that come out in writing often transpose to real-life as well
I'm glad to read about some of your discussions though.
InHerJourney, if your insight is as good as that of Greeneyedlass, I shall count myself as fortunate.
Incidentally, as we were entering the bedroom, I asked, "Are the cats in here?" She began saying, "If they want...", but, as they weren't in the bedroom at the time, I unilaterally settled the debate by closing the door so they couldn't get in. (When I opened it up afterward, one of them was sitting by the door waiting, and I had noticed him meowing at the door shortly beforehand. He might have been worried about us.)
Afterward, I mentioned the policy of keeping the cats out again: "This time is supposed to be about us, not about them. Everything else around here is about them." The cats generally have the run of the place, within certain limitations, and one of them likes to jump up on the bed anytime someone else is on the bed. And, if a cat were in the same room as us during one of our encounters, my wife would probably be talking to the cat instead of focusing her attention on me, where it's supposed to go.
So...no cats during our encounters, whether we're clothed or not. I'm not going to give in on that.
The fact that she wants to do this every night (at least the clothed variant) makes me hopeful that progress can be more rapid than the 2-months-per-stage that we outlined...but I'm not going to get my hopes up too far, and just assume that the schedule as planned is valid. Of course, tonight she could call it off because she's not feeling well, for whatever reason, but I'm not going to assume the worst, either.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
Way to go standing firm on the cats. This is about the two of you, nothing else, stick with that.
It's encouraging too that she wants to attempt this every night. If I were in your shoes though I'd mentally shoot for a certain number of times a week, that way if for some reason you don't manage every night it will help ease your disappointment a bit. I wouldn't tell her though what number you settle on If you do then you run the risk of her shooting for the minimum.
The more time you are able to spend in an intimate setting the better your chances are of increasing the intimacy between the two of you. I'm really glad to hear she suggested trying every night, that says to me that she's trying.
That's my read on it too, Greeneyedlass. For the moment, I'm going to treat anything above the weekly encounters as "bonus." However, I do hope she'll feel OK with shedding the pajamas and going to full Stage I sooner rather than later.
She also mentioned that she wishes we could actually sleep in the same bed, but it's my snoring that gets to her, especially given her known insomniac tendencies. I don't know what to do about that, and she doesn't either. But resolving that would certainly help.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
Whatever the reason, I think this weekend was a huge win for both of you. You, for standing firm on the schedule and the cats and she for thinking it up, showing up to do it, and then suggesting it every night! Obviously she is suffering from the no affection, too.
What have you done to alleviate the snoring? Is it related to sinuses or weight or apnea? I would make that a priority, if I were you. Nothing like sleeping in the same bed to get over the 'weirdness' factor when getting close. Lots of sex happens just because two people are in close quarters and too groggy to put their "I really shouldn't.." blinders on, kwim?
Anyway, the whole thing sounds lovely. Congrats to you for making it happen.
