Greeneyedlass, I will try, but I didn't consider what I said to be a "self-defeatist" attitude, merely a statement of fact. I did wait until just 3 days before October started to mention it to her, and if I had waited those extra three days (which would have been very easy for me to do), then, yes, that would constitute a screw-up. But I did manage to talk to her, so, as it turns out, I did not screw up. Maybe "almost screwed up" was too harsh; maybe a more precise term would be "avoided screwing up." I should remember to choose my words more carefully.
Anyhow, I spoke to my wife about the plan again, briefly, this evening. I suggested that we wait until she was through with her course of antibiotics for her current ailment before beginning the plan. (She saw the doctor last Wednesday with some sort of stomach bug, and hadn't really improved by Friday, so he prescribed Cipro for her. Seeing as how this is the same stuff they prescribe for anthrax victims, I thought the meds might have an untoward effect on her. But she's only going to be taking them for another two days, which puts us still within that "first week of October" window.)
She agreed with me, not criticizing, not even making any comment other than, "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."
Okay, now I have a question. The manner in which she's spoken to me about the plan, in both instances, gives me an impression that she'd like me to take charge of the plan implementation. That is, some night after her antibiotics are finished, she might want me to just say to her, "Okay, tonight's the night," and we go into the bedroom, strip down, and carry out the first encounter. She might be thinking, "Well, I proposed it, now it's up to him to carry it out." Is this likely? Should I stick my neck out on this?
I don't have any real doubts that she will go through with it; after all, it was her that brought it up. I didn't see the program she watched to get the idea; she could have simply never mentioned it to me, and I would be none the wiser. But I need a "reality check" on my impressions; I don't trust my own instincts enough yet.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
yes. this is what she wants. initiation is your issue. Have you been reading the HDW threads and comments? they want more sex and they want their H to take the lead, make it happen. Does it make sense, (shrug) possibly it could be confusing and not make sense to you. However, that is what the reality is. See it, acknowledge it, accept it and make changes in your beliefs so that you will naturally act accordingly.
Your line of thinking that GEL is telling you to lose, may in your opinion, be statement of fact, but it is not spun with the positive view or confidance that strikes a woman as being attractive.
GEL is trying to help you, by telling you how what you are doing/being is not attractive. Dont argue with her, this girl is like a living breathing female- male remodeler. You have ackonwledged you need to change some software. Be open to it.
blackfoot, that explanation would make sense, except that my wife is not the HD partner, she's the LD partner. Stuff written about HDWs doesn't apply to her. I would be the more HD person here, except that there are aspects about which I don't have a clue how to get from point A to point B.
Your response was pretty much what I expected you might say; I was hoping that somebody like Greeneyedlass (long may she continue to post in good health!) could give a female perspective on the issue.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
that was a very poorly typed response on my part arjnex.
Have you been reading the HDW threads and comments?they want more sex and they want their H to take the lead, make it happen
what I meant to say was ... even though the HDW have a greater appetite for ML they still want their H's to take the lead, to make the situations happen, to be the driving force.
Biologically female mammals are not aggresors, initiators. They send out signals showing they are receptive to our initiation. If we get the dance right ... we get to DANCE! This is going to apply just as much to a LD if she is open to it. I really think your wife is open to ML with you more its just your approach that has her thrown off. She gave you a plan, an idea and pretty much a go ahead ..... so go ahead. Whats the worst that can happen? She says not tonight? So what.
your hesitance causes her hesitance, your fear sparks her fear, your unease makes her uneasy.... etc. etc.
be excited about it, be eager about it, but if it is a no go, forget about it, try again later. You have ML before, snuggling nekkid together is no big deal.
Listen to blackfoot, Arj, even though he's always wrong.
Seriously, GEL is an HDW also, and yet you value her input. Women are women and men are men, regardless of desire level.
She wants you to take the lead. She threw out the idea and figures that the ball is in your court now. Don't just let it lay there. You have a golden opportunity here!
OK, honeypot, maybe I know what I have to do. Maybe I have to treat my wife more like a woman and less like a "female person." In the process, that involves acting more like a man and less like a "male person." For the difference between those, see this article by one of the smartest dang people I know.
Am I on the right track here, or have I tried yet failed to properly relate what you and blackfoot are trying to tell me to information I already have?
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
After some give-and-take on Friday, we were supposed to have our first Stage I encounter today...but, when the time came, my wife begged off, saying her foot was swelling up and hurting. (I fail to see how that would affect her lying on a bed, but I digress.)
She asked, "Is that why you took a bath early?"
Me: "Yes, I was trying to be ready so you could pick a time that was comfortable for you."
She: "Now I feel even more guilty..."
In the end, she suggested we do a variation: holding each other while keeping our clothes (in this case, pajamas) on. Which we did, for about 10 minutes (or so she said--I wasn't watching the time). Other than the clothes, it was pretty much exactly how I thought it should run; I closed the bedroom door to keep out the cats, we got on the bed, I lay down and let her adjust herself into a comfortable position against me, then gently held her. I encouraged her: "Don't talk; don't think; just feel." She said it was hard for her to stop thinking. She had to stop when she felt like she couldn't breathe; her asthma was acting up and she hasn't been using her preventative inhaler as much as she should.
Afterwards, she told me she liked that, and suggested we do that every night. I told her, "When you're ready for the real encounter, that's exactly how it will work, except without the clothes. There's nothing to be afraid of."
A positive development, even if it wasn't as positive as I might like.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
I am not familiar with your plan, but I admire your dedication to this process ( there's that word again) and hope it works out in the long run. Sounds like a promising start, even if you have to twist her arm a bit.
The outline of the plan is at the start of this topic, InHerJourney, as well as its basis and how we actually decided to start it. If you do have a look at it, your opinion would be valued.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
A... Since GEL has abandoned us for the time being, I am happy to step in and give you my POV. The plan is a good idea for the simple reason that it's your W's idea...she is acting like a mature and responsible woman and doesn't wanted to be derailed by her own insecurities. This is where you come into play, by being strong, by being assertive, by being positive, and by being fun. The only negative from your first interaction is that I would kill the " don't be afraid" stuff...one thing that makes me feel fear is if someone says Don't be afraid...lol. Just show her you are up to the task. Good work!
