Understood, blackfoot. Quite frankly, I don't blame you. I'm not sure I could benefit from your advice without a number of other things being resolved first. Or, to put it another way, there's some code that needs to be refactored before it can be expanded upon.
FWIW, I did ask my wife the question, "Why do you love me?", and got back several reasons:
1. "You're smart" 2. "You treat me like a human being" 3. "You make me laugh" 4. "You don't mind my cooking" (actually, I like it; she's not fancy, but she does well enough for my tastes) 5. "You're good to our babies" (i.e. the cats)
With regard to that last point, she's firmly of the opinion that animals can tell the difference between someone who really cares about them and someone who's just acting (a "phony"). The cats have a high opinion of me, and she accepts their judgement.
Unfortunately, I wasn't able to bring up the plan with her last night; she needed rest. (She had to see the doctor yesterday for some sort of stomach virus, possibly flu. It may take her 2-3 days to fully recover.)
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
Quote: 1. it is ok to want women, have a sex drive, and allow yourself to have these strong feelings.
Well, I don't want "women" in general, I want my wife...
Quote: 2. at your core you are a man, and have many qualities that make you attractive to females,
I'm not concerned about being attractive to females other than my wife. What other females may think is irrelevant.
Quote: making her laugh is good, try it make it sexual.
What, do you mean, tell dirty jokes or something? Any dirty joke I know, she's probably heard already...
I did think of one thing I could say if she seems to be stalling me again..."Are we going to work on this, or do I need to start saving up for a RealDoll?" Maybe that's too harsh, though.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
Well, I don't want "women" in general, I want my wife...
Well you got your wife. Now the trick is making... getting her to want you.
I'm not concerned about being attractive to females other than my wife. What other females may think is irrelevant.
NO its not irrelvant. You are trying to deflect and avoid here. She is a female, they all have the same universal attraction buttons. So if you can attract, are attractive to others you will also be attractive to her. Did you read thru GS thread today, and the women said they want to feel as if the man is choosing them? VERY VERY important to understand this concept. Ok I am going to stop now before I feel I am beating my head on a wall.
You are going to have to change the way you think things should be and want things to work. Its not easy.
Talked to W about the plan last night...reminded her that October 1 is Saturday, so we could begin anytime from then through next Friday. She nodded.
I brought up that we probably want to close the bedroom door so that the cats stay out. She said, "I don't mind them being around." I said, "Well, I kinda think this should be about us, not about them. Besides, it's only five minutes." (One thing is, I don't want her distracted. One of our cats jumps up on the bed anytime someone is on it, and I'm pretty sure my wife would want to say hello to her, pet her, etc., which would take her attention off me, which is where we're trying to focus it.)
So, sounds like it's still on...of course, I'll have to keep an eye on her health. (She's still kind of recovering from that stomach bug she went to the doctor for two days ago. Another day should see the worst of that pass.) Also, she may get a bit of anxiety beforehand; I'll just have to be ready with the assurances of "It's okay, sweetie, it's just me here, and I love you, and I'm going to be extra-gentle with you, and I'm not going to go any farther than the plan says we should at this stage." Or she may be enthusiastic, in which case I'll enjoy it while it lasts.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
Way to go on the cats!!! That's what you need to do...make sure there are no distractions, this is about the two of you just as you said. You handled this perfectly IMPO.
Also, I'm glad you didn't wait until Oct was here to bring up the plan to her...I also believe she needed to know you remembered that you two had made a deal, time was approaching....and you expect her to hold up her end of that deal. Right off the bat you are letting her know she's not wriggling out of it....wriggling up to you sure, but not out of the deal
You know, arj, I would lose the "it's okay sweetie.." stuff. The reason: It gives her the impression that you are expecting her to do bad at this. She will then be sure to live up to those expectations, kwim?
Instead I would soothe her with words of love...words that come from YOUR heart, not words that are ASSuming her state of mind and what you can do to FIX that. Think "I love being with you and being close to you. From the minute I laid eyes on you, there's been no other for me." Lots of endearing, soft, gentle words but nothing that treats her as if she shouldn't be enjoying this...as if it's some weird experience. How crazy, right! She's getting close to her man. There should be no "there, there" needed. Be confident and loving and she will naturally follow your lead.
I think you are on the right track with wanting to have some words ready so you don't fumble, but make sure that you don't self sabotage.
I ditto everything Honeypot said. If you appear at all anxious and defeatist, she will experience those same negative fellings 10x more. Stay confident.
Quote: Way to go on the cats!!! That's what you need to do...make sure there are no distractions, this is about the two of you just as you said. You handled this perfectly IMPO.
The cats will probably be pawing at the door the whole time...but, if it's only five minutes or so, let them paw. Besides, they're front-declawed, so they won't hurt anything.
Quote: Also, I'm glad you didn't wait until Oct was here to bring up the plan to her...I also believe she needed to know you remembered that you two had made a deal, time was approaching....and you expect her to hold up her end of that deal. Right off the bat you are letting her know she's not wriggling out of it....wriggling up to you sure, but not out of the deal
Well, I nearly screwed that up...it was, after all, only 3 days before the 1st by the time I spoke to her. But "nearly screwed up" is still "did it OK," I suppose.
We actually had some fun together last night...not sexual, but playing a computer word game. Though she doesn't like computer games as a general rule, she likes word games; she spotted me playing, then sat down next to me and started calling out suggestions for words to find on the game's board. I credit her with helping me achieve a new high score. Now we need to start achieving high scores in our R.
- "A"
"Everything that happens, happens. Everything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Everything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again."
(Well, I nearly screwed that up...it was, after all, only 3 days before the 1st by the time I spoke to her. But "nearly screwed up" is still "did it OK," I suppose.)
Why are you looking for reasons not to do something good enough? I gave you a compliment...take it, don't look for a reason to say "yeah but...". That, right there...was a perfect example of something that wouldn't be attractive to a woman. Nope, not beating you over the head, just pointing out what you are doing....it's a self-defeatest way of thinking. STOP IT!
