Building Bridges

[cinemanymph]

Chrissy said,

I have had to convince myself to get up and go every day so far. But every day I do go is a small victory for me right now. I know that sounds silly

It's not silly at all. Having some worth outside the home is very important. Everyone wants to be told they are doing a good job, and often SAHMs are left out of that particular pleasure.

I have changed my mind about getting a raise. Every day is an opportunity to learn more about all aspects of the bakery business so that I may start my own business some day. If I keep the focus on that, I can't lose. My coworkers are all convinced that their way is the best way to do things and I have learned at least three different ways to do each of the duties I am responsible for. I think that is great, I have alternatives that people who are taught one way to do things don't have and it gives me an opportunity to work out my adaptability muscles. I take on jobs that no one else wants to do and hope to learn from them. I'm making friends quickly, althought that's nice, that is not my objective. Business owners have to be willing to do the jobs no one else wants to do, so I may as well get a good handle on that. I am getting better at the cake decorating with every one I do.

I'm finding the real currency in the work place is respect with the payoff being dignity. I figure the people who deserve it least are the ones who need it most. I have had the priviledge of watching this particular tenet in action several times during my short employment. It's some pretty heady stuff to watch a coworker feel great about the job they are doing. Although the pay is minimal and I never could support my family on what I am making, I am learning and getting paid while I do it and for that I am grateful.

On the home front, things are looking rather bleak. The ownere of H's company died this past week and there looks like there might be some major changes at H's workplace.

karen,

I am taking to heart the picture you paint of divorce. I am not so sure I want to deal with that or not. The fantasy I have is that I will never have to deal with H again, I will pay my own bills and never take anything from him (I think this is the fantasy H is having too, that and being able to go off with his buddies fishing and golfing whenever he likes). I think H is trying to get me to kick him out so that he has leverage in the courts so he doesn't have to pay child support, that and he won't be the bad guy in a very unprivate small town. Thanks for the reality check, karen.

Thank you HP for the kind words. They help me sustain me during dark days.

H and I had another conversation about his dad last night (which I brought up, again). H still believes I should have been on top of things with his dad. I don't know if Hs long standing never apologize school of thought is coming into play here, or if he really believes it. I told H that I was having a hard time wanting a man who thought that I was disrespectful and negligent to his dad. I believe in my heart that my FIL is ok with our decision to bring him here against his wishes (he wanted to be at home when he died). The hospital would not release him if he was going to be alone and no one volunteered to stay there with him (H is the youngest of 6), so we moved him in here. I don't know how to describe this without seeming a bit over the rainbow, but, I felt FILs presence here and and just knew he is ok with our decision. I was filled with a peaceful feeling and got the first restful sleep I have had since my H leveled that terrible comment at me a month ago.

H is another story, however. Our tenth anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks and I can't see any reason to celebrate. Hs MO is to say something shockingly mean and then be ultra nice for a week or two afterward. This time I am not buying it, I am insisting that we talk about it and work it out and H doesn't want to. I keep telling him that if we could just come to some common ground on something, anything, and begin to work together on it that we would be better off as a couple and a family. H won't see anything my way. He doesn't want to hear any suggestions from moi, he is so convinced that I can't possibly be right that anything I say is discounted before I even complete the thought. Anyone have any advice for dealing with this type of behavior?