Can you yet answer the question of whether it is more painful to stay or more painful to go? If you can think and feel this one through it might help.
Divorce 101. Picture your day without him in it. Picture negotiating about kids and money over the phone when he has absolutely no reason to give in to you (because you arent' married anymore). Picture that you can now hang up on him if he is rude or unreasonable but that if you do then future co-parenting will be a problem. Picture that he will find someone else someday who will have some influence in your children's lives. (In my case, it is good because ex-H picks nice co-dependent women who are good to my children). See what I mean?
The contrast. What if your sitch stays exactly the same. Can you live with it? What if it does (as you predicted) get worse? What horse does he still have in this race? Does he still love you? The kids? Does he have a motivator or reason to do better?
What are third options? Individual and marital counseling? Separation?
There are no easy answers. Divorce is not an answer to all the problems and all the pain because it brings plenty along with it. That being said - my children are doing very well, they miss their Dad but they continue to do well socially, academically and behaviorally. I don't believe in saying that they are "children of divorce" and all that goes with it. They are children who have the benefit of being loved by two parents and a step parent. Their life was not made worse by the divorce, it was somewhat bettered although I doubt they think so. They may understand it someday but for now they just think that both of us failed.
