Here it is in a nutshell. Ex-H and I met in college, married right after. DS13 came along two years into the M and DD8 when he was doing his intership in medicine. He survived med school through a combination of me overcompensating and handling every aspect of our lives except his schooling and him taking lots of drugs. I was not wise to this because every Intern is "tired." Anywho, he was an extremely unhappy individual and visited his unhappiness on me in the form of criticism, anger, frustration, controlling behavior etc... A few times he gave me a shove during an argument.
He sought personal therapy where he learned to be a patient. He didn't get better. He went to more doctors. He became more and more of a patient. In the meantime he alienated people at work plus neighbors and friends. Very suprisingly he was a pretty good Dad. He never dealt with the kids like he did everyone else.
I read every R book on the market. I begged for marital counseling. We did a session or two. Finally, he was arrested for perscription drug fraud and lied to me about his guilt. The lightbulb went on. The marriage had been dead for at least seven of those ten years. I was worn out. I wasn't angry I was tired.
Now, almost five years later. His life remains a mess. He has relapsed and lost his medical license and job for the second time, he rarely pays child support and cannot sustain a R. I am not angry. I have compassion for him. I have compassion for the man he could have been, the father, the husband. However, his rampant narcissism and addiction and bipolar disorder got in the way. He still enjoys being "ill" and believes that being ill excuses him from responsibility for many things. I am glad that I became too tired to compensate for him. I am glad that I am not angry at him. I believe that he really did the very best he could. It wasn't what I wanted. I wanted more from my life and my marriage. Current H isn't perfect and I do wish we had a better SL but I cannot accurately describe the extent to which my current sitch is better than my past one. KWIM?
None of my sitch will help you in making your decision. Just know that I have been there and whether you stay or whether you go you have the support and love of people who care about you (even if we are virtual people).
