Hey RC, A lot of the things that he says are going to be painful, confusing, and make you think you are crazy or were completely mistaken about the past.
Its pretty much impossible to ignore those hurtful comments from someone who is so important in your life, so for yourself try to tune them out. If it is outside the MC dont ask, why, what you can do, etc. Save it for the MC.
Even though we all screw up, when the OP is intentionally vicious, and unkind, it is not neccesary to take it, or internalize it. That conquer statement comes from feeling inadequate and trying to get up. Your H doesnt like himself right now. That is his problem.
He isnt taking care of you right now, so you need to do it yourself. Hang out here, hangout with friends, do healthy things that make you happy. I am a big proponent of exercise. Go for a walk, and listen to music. Its the perfect excuse to go get a iPod nano! Healthy means, no affairs, no drugs, no jumping off of bridges without a bungie cord. purchasing jaguars, or motorcycles, is (maybe).
roller, the background you gave about why your H married you does fill in some of the blanks. You wrote
Quote: I want my husband back.
But it might be more accurate to say, "I want back the man I THOUGHT I married." It looks like what's happening now is you're finding out who you REALLY married...
UNLESS what he said to the C was not the truth, but was calculated to hurt you in retaliation for some imagined wrong you have committed.
I think the biggest problem you're facing is that you don't know WHO you married.
Thanks...LOL that at least made me laugh. I appreiciate that Blackfoot. Like I said I have a problem sometimes even taking my own advice. Gracias! Part of me wants to say hey great I was a conquest! But then the other part say wait a minute thats not what I was feeling. Those damn emotions of mine.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
Maybe true. I thought I knew who I married. The man I loved and who loved me. I guess thats the man I miss. I feel more like I have gotten the been there done that now where is my next "conquest". It is true sometime I do not understand what he is meaning vs. saying. I did not take crytpology in school so I don't know the secret code. I guess I will just keep on keeping on. Pretty sure most of this whole situation is out of my hands.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
Quote: It is true sometime I do not understand what he is meaning vs. saying. I did not take crytpology in school so I don't know the secret code.
This is what I meant with the swiss cheese comment... not that you weren't being clear, but that you are missing parts of the puzzle. I believe there is more to the story than you have been told. I don't know exactly what I mean, but it does feel like code of some kind... bf's advice is good... hang on to yourself... don't let him pull you out of the boat into that cold, dark water. Keep your head. You are not him-- you are YOU and you will survive. I'm sure of that.
I am trying to take your advice. It is one of those things that really never has been in my nature to take care of myself. I have always been the one taking care of everyone else. I am going out with friends tonight. Our MC had suggested that we spend a whole day together doing somethings together. This has been an issue, the spending time together thing. We both have very demanding jobs and in the past we had always made time for "us" by taking a day off together in the past. Since the whole MLC thing started about 18 months ago, we just don't. We had both decided last week that we would both take this Saturday off. I am usually off on Friday and Saturday and he has alot of flexibility with his schedule. Well of course this is Friday and I am off. This morning he informed me that he would have to work tomorrow. I just told him that was okay, I understood and left it at that. Reality I am a bit disappointed. He said maybe we could just go out to dinner tonight instead. I had already made plans for tonight. In my mind I was very tempted to cancel my plans and tell H okay. But I didn't. I told him that I had already promised to go with a few friends to a karaoke place where one is singing in a contest. I keep wondering if I am going about this the right way. We have had some very confusing conversations in our 15 minute talk therapy. Has anyone ever felt like you just want this to be over. I don't even know what normal is anymore except I do not live any where close to normal anymore. Just venting.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
I am glad you found it funny bf. I actually understood what you said. Or I guess what I think you said... No did not come up with an alternative. As far as vents go, believe me what I say is much milder than the way this whole mess is making me feel.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
Somebody just shoot me... That would be a means to the end.I am just so feeling frustrated right now. We keep doing the same things over and over again...Deep breath... I just wish we could find normal again... And I know we can't. That sucks. I will keep on trying. Over and over again. Sometimes I wonder if I should just give it up. I am just tired of being the only one.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
purchasing jaguars, or motorcycles, 
is (maybe). 
Part of me wants to say hey great I was a conquest! But then the other part say wait a minute thats not what I was feeling. Those damn emotions of mine.